Archive for November, 2006
Stop the Insanity!
I was reading about our Governor General’s recent excursion to Africa:
Governor General of Canada Michaelle Jean touches the bars in the “room of no return,” the final point in a castle where African slaves were once passed through and boarded on ships, at Elmina Castle in Ghana, Wednesday.
when it occurred to me to ask this question of all the persecuted white male Christians on the Right in Canada and the United States:
Is it really persecution if you can complain about it on televion, in the newspapers, on the internet and in Parliament/Congress?
I mean, just recapping three big incidents of a People’s persecution in no particular order – there’s:
2. The Holocaust
3. Reservation Schools
In all three of the above incidents of a People’s persecution, I’m guessing white male Christians on the Right didn’t hear a whole lot of complaining by the persecuted – the Blacks, the Jews, the Indians. You know what I mean. I wasn’t there, but I doubt the Blacks, the Jews and the Indians got to do a whole lot of complaining to the media about how they were being totally, totally, totally persecuted 24/7 by white male Christians on the Right. Or in the Center. Or, yes, even on the Left.
They were persecuted and that was that – no fanfare, no bellyaching, no “This is an outrage!”. There was just the big one side of persecution and that was it. There was no debate about it. You were either persecuted or you weren’t. There was no questioning of your right to live a persecution-free life. Or you’d just be persecuted faster. If you know what I mean.
Now, contrast that historical factual reality so true it doesn’t even need to be backed up with statistics, polls, or studies – with the ongoing complaints the survivors and descendents of the above incidents of persecution are subjected to by their fellow citizens, white male Christians on the Right, about how persecuted they are in today’s multicultural feminist secular Liberal society.
Can you hear the difference? I can hear the difference. Or, at least, I can guess that I’m hearing a difference. Like I said, I wasn’t around for slavery, the Holocaust, or Reservation Schools. Unless we still have Reservation Schools. I really don’t know. If we do, I suggest Indians take a page from the white male Christian on the Right school of persecution and complain louder.
Anyway, since I don’t want to talk about white male Christian on the Right persecution any longer than I have to – being, of course, part of the Persecution Squad perpetuating this monstrous injustice seemingly going on right out in the open in every facet of society, I just want to ask if it would be possible for all of us to just say “No!” to the persecution of white male Christians on the Right, renounce our persecuting ways, and send up a silent prayer to the one, true God asking for His forgiveness.
It’s the only thing I can think to do to make amends.
And to silence, once and for all, the plaintive pleas from the television, newspapers, internet and Parliament to please, please, please “STOP PERSECUTING US! THE WHITE MALE CHRISTIANS ON THE RIGHT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD – STOP PERSECUTING US!”
Skinny Enough Yet?
We’ve been watching America’s Next Top Model on Saturday nights at 10:00 p.m. And by we I mean me and my two teenaged daughters. My son doesn’t watch with us. He plays Quake or Doom or somesuch violent video game. Unless they aren’t violent. I really have no idea – I’m left-handed and can’t play video games. All I know is, I’m not surprised by his lack of interest in America’s Next Top Model. I once did an entire Christmas shopping for his sisters with him in tow and he had no idea that I was buying them presents. It was quite something. His interest in the stuff I was buying was so minimal that it didn’t even register with him that we were shopping. He just clomped along beside me, staring off into space with his mouth hanging open until we were done. I don’t know. Maybe he can’t see the colour pink.
Anyway, the fun thing about the show for me this cycle (it runs in cycles – this is the first one to really grab my interest) is that there are identical twins in the running who bear an uncanny resemblance to one of my daughters – except – my daughter is prettier. Much prettier. And with a better figure. Still tall and straight. But with a figure. And, of course, if you’ve never watched Tyra Banks in action, well, you’re missing something. Something quite clearly insane. Whether driven insane by modelling or not eating enough fat on her way to becoming a model, I don’t know. And, not to be cruel, but…well… once her modelling career was over, it would appear she decided to make up for all that lost fat in her diet – pretty much full-time, too. Leaving only enough room for insanity, I guess.
But back to the models. I’m rooting for the remaining twin in the running (her sister got kicked off last week for not being ambitious enough, even though she was considered by the panel – which includes Twiggy (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Baby Spice – or is that all English women in middle-age) – to be the better model. But ambition matters, says Tyra. So off she went and now it’s up to her sister to win the day. (As a closet stage mother, I’d feel vicariously victorious, you see. She must win. She WILL win. Redheads are grotesquely under-represented in the modelling world!)
Interestingly, if the remaining twin does win – she’s certainly the skinniest winner on the show – ever. Hard to believe, but the winners to date haven’t actually been the twigs you’d expect to have won America’s Next Top Model. They’ve been, well, not really that alarmingly skinny.
Speaking of skinny, I’m a thin person. Trim, as it were. And I’ve heard myself tell other people that I’m naturally this way. Which isn’t really true because when I was a teenager, I had an “athletic build”. I hovered around 118 on a 5’4″ frame.
Until, one day, I woke up – and I was fat.
Oh, I was still hovering around 118 on a 5’4″ frame, but something had changed. For some reason, I was suddenly grotesquely… dumpy.
I started dieting. Well, dieting is what teenaged girls call it. In fact, I started fasting, binging (bingeing?), purging. I also started running. 3 miles/weeknight. 10/miles/weekend. No one in my family noticed, particularly. My Gram commented once that I’d only eaten carrots for a couple of days (although celery was my food of choice since I’d read that eating celery actually burned off more calories than it produced). But I was aware that I was “up to something” – so I was careful. I was also aware that all I thought about was food. Food combined with the not eating of it. Every bit of food not eaten was a triumph of will.
It went on throughout high school. Dieting. And thinking about food. At one point, I had my weight down to 98 lbs. That’s 20 lbs less than I weigh now (I don’t have a scale – I have teenaged daughters. In my opinion, having a scale and a teenaged girl in the same room is like keeping a hunting rifle under your teenaged son’s bed – not smart because they’ll use it. I just go by my annual check-up weight as told to me by my doctor.) And I’m slim. With muscle, since I do a 40 minute walk to work every morning, have a dog, and don’t own a car. Yup. In high school I weighed 98 lbs. and was pretty much thinking about food all the time. All day. Every day. Food.
And see? I’m still doing it. “40 minute walk to work every morning, have a dog, and don’t own a car”. Keeping watch. Making sure I don’t take up much room. And I don’t mean that in a humble way. I mean that in a superiour way. Because the buzz about anorexia is that it’s a good girl thing. Perfectionist girl vs demanding parents and sexist society. It can be any of those things, I suppose. But I don’t buy it, personally. Here’s what it is to me: It’s a switch. A switch that goes on in a girl’s head one day. Randomly. If she’s lucky, a while later, it goes off again. But it’s just as randomly. Or maybe she goes out to the bars on her 18th birthday and discovers a new obsession.
I know, I know. But who to blame? Somebody’s got to take the rap for this mind-boggling affliction. Well, I once watched in horror as my Mother-in-Law said to my 17 year old Sister-in-Law one morning, “Oh, look who’s wearing her fat clothes!” I say “in horror” because I’d forgotten that all the media blather about anorexia is meaningless drivel and that my Mother-in-Law saying, “Oh, look who’s wearing her fat clothes!” would no more trigger anorexia in my Sister-in-Law than I can think of any one thing that had happened to me in my teenaged years that would have triggered anorexia in me.
Except waking up one morning on the side of the bed that said, “You should whittle yourself down to the size of a twig.”
So, if anybody’s looking – my only advice to the Moms or Dads out there worried about the prospect of an anorexic daughter (and that is pretty much EVERY Mom and Dad I know) is to just cross your fingers and whistle nursury rhymes backwards in hopes that it doesn’t happen to you and yours. Because I really don’t think there is much you can do about it if it does.
That’s my “been there, done that” take on it, anyway.
Trudeau or True Dope?
Now that Prime Minister Stephen Harper (funny, I STILL don’t think of him as Prime Minister – just some schmuck who landed the top job by default) has (for some inexplicable reason known only to him since he doesn’t delegate power or share information – even within and with his own party, which is even more inexplicably – the Government of Canada), decided to same sex marry Charlottetown to Meech Lake to produce a Nation Resolution, I’ve noticed the Right keeps referring to all the Federalists opposing this treachery as Trudeaupians.
Oh. Really. And you call yourselves then… True Dopes?
Because, like, since when is being a Federalist inconsistent with being a Conservative, Liberal, or NDPer? Or did I miss something said by Stephen Harper on the campaign trail. A sixth promise. Something about heading off a provocation by the ridiculous Gilles Duceppe by appeasing the even more ridiculous Separatiste Mouvement first. I could have missed that promise, I guess. Although, I listened pretty carefully for indications that once Stephen Harper was elected Prime Minister he would straight away begin to enact his hidden agenda to dismantle the Country. And honestly? I do not recall him saying he would introduce a Resolution calling Quebec a Nation within Canada. I simply do not recall that.
So, I don’t think he said anything of the kind. Because if he had – HE WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ELECTED PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA!
But am I really surprised that Stephen Harper, Albertan, would introduce such a Resolution? No. No I am not. But I most certainly AM surprised that PARLIAMENT VOTED LAST NIGHT OVERWHELMINGLY IN FAVOUR OF IT!
My, oh my. What a treacherous group we have representing us all in Parliament these days. Traitors, really, if you stop and think about it. Spineless, weak-kneed, yellow belly sapsucking – Traitors.
But speaking of “Where Have All The Trudeaus Gone?” would the Big T be rolling over in his grave or cheering Stephen Harper on? So… that… a politician who is actually young enough and smart enough and hip enough to be in step with Canadians – including the majority of Quebeckers who have consistently voted “No” to any Separatiste Referendums put to the People of Quebec re Nationhood – will actually win the Liberal Leadership convention and give Canadian Federalists – the vast majority of Canadians – someone to vote for in the next Federal election?
Yup. I suspect the old Jesuit would be cheering on the Bumpkin. “Go ahead. Call Quebec a Nation. Make my day. Punk.” Because no one played politics like Trudeau and boy – has Harper stepped in his own poopie. Cripes, stepped in it? He may as well have smeared himself in it. Here I thought Michael Ignatieff, American, had blown it with his “Nation of Quebec” musings. It is to laugh. And I’m not even a Trudeauphile. I found him to be quite hideous, really. But he articulated for voters, gave voice to us in Parliament as it were, how we feel about Federalism. Not to mention how we feel about the essential racism of Separatism. Because it is racist. The Separatiste Mouvement is a backward, racist movement that has nothing to do with the REAL People of Quebec and everything to do with a minority of Quebecois who want racial purity to be the defining feature of Quebec.
It is distinctly Un-Canadian. “Distinct” is what you smell emanating from Parliament today.
Meanwhile, for some reason, in political La-La-Land, the current crop of lesser Canadians running the country are okay with the whole “Quebec Nation” thing. A vast majority of them are okay with it, in fact. Well… newsflash, Poliboys. It’s not okay with a vast majority of Canadians. And if I was one of the majority of Quebeckers who voted “No” in the last Referendum, I’d be sorely tempted to start up a Referendum asking this question of all Canadians: “Should the current Parliament be hung as Traitors to the Country of Canada and a new election held immediately?”
Gee, maybe the Americans can be useful for once and help us out with their Treason Act or Patriotism Act or whatever the hell it’s called and we can get this ball rolling. Hang Parliament and start over. Except this time – you’ll have to swear an allegiance to Canada when you declare a desire to run for election.
Because surely the New Conservative Government of Canada would acquiesce to such a request for a Referendum. The Old Reform Party of Canada turned CCRAP believed very strongly in Referendums. Of course, Prime Minister Harper also believed very strongly in firewalls. I mean, who, with the exception of the entire mainstream media during the last election campaign, could forget THIS letter:
Alberta Firewall Letter
In any case, if the Liberal delegates to the Convention fail to elect a Federalist leader for their Party, then I believe we can start calling ourselves, officially, “The Stupidest Country in the World”.
And we have Prime Minister Stephen Harper to thank for the rest of the world nodding in agreement.
Don’t fail us now. Elect an avowed Federalist or don’t bother electing anyone at all. More traitors we don’t need.
Kramer Mutilates Lenny Bruce Corpse!
Okay. I’m going to start this bit off by getting a few words out of my system.
Let’s see… “Poopoohead. Penisbreath. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger.”
Ah. There. Hey – and don’t worry if you’re a Poopoohead. I’m not a REAL rascist. I’m just a blogger.
Now on to my main point:
MAIN POINT: Who the hell goes to a Michael Richards show?
I mean, isn’t that a lot like going to a Germaine Jackson concert? Or founding a George Takai fan club? Or doing a thesis on Edwin Holgate? Or EVEN – no kidding – being a Joe Volpe delegate?
Really. Who are these people who would fork over hard-earned downtrodden black people money – or even just regular people money – to attend a Michael Richards show? And not to be too harsh – but, quite frankly – I think they deserved what they got. If the first rule of performance is “Know Thine Audience” (and I have no idea if that is, in fact, the first rule of performance – you’d think “Have an Act” would be the first rule of performance, now that I really stop and think about it – not that Michael Richards bothered to, I guess) – shouldn’t the first rule of performance attendance be: “Know Thy Performer”?
Because, to be fair to Michael Richards, it’s not like he’s known for his stand-up routine. I had no idea he did stand-up. Cripes, apparently HE had no idea he did stand-up. Or he probably would have been a little more prepared for hecklers. There was even a whole Seinfeld episode about hecklers. Two, actually. There was the one episode with Kathy Griffin (who has her own website: Seinfeld Heckler) and another episode with Elaine’s obnoxious co-worker whom Sienfeld decides to turn the tables on by going down to her workplace to heckle HER at work.
What – Michael Richards doesn’t watch Seinfeld? Cripes, he was dating the heckler in that episode. He should have known, at the very least, how to handle a real life one – one that he wasn’t even dating. Thanks to Jerry Seinfeld – we all know how to handle a heckler now. You find out where he works and show up the next day to heckle him until he cries. Tit for tat. You DON’T shout “Nigger!” at him – especially if he’s a BLACK heckler. No. No. No. That is in the “What NOT To Do!” column. There is NO Seinfeld episode where Jerry Seinfeld shouts “Nigger!” at a heckler.
Heck – can you imagine a Seinfeld episode with Jerry Seinfeld (who doesn’t even swear in his act, ferchrissakes, which is why his start was opening for our very own probably by now “Snowbird” – Anne Murray) shouting “Nigger!” over and over and over at… … … hm… wait a minute… Were there any black people on Seinfeld? Oh yeah – the guy who worked at the Yankees with George who didn’t get to sign the Big Birthday Card for Mr. Steinbrenner’s birthday.
Wow. That show was on television for what – 11 seasons? Is he really the only black actor to have appeared on Seinfeld? Or am I forgetting a whole bunch of black actors who appeared on all sorts of Seinfeld episodes? I guess it was filmed in New York… Maybe there aren’t many black people in New York. I dunno. I’ve never been to New York. Gee. I could have sworn there were whole huge black neighbourhoods in New York. I know they’ve had Republican law and order Mayors for the past couple of decades. Guys who got in on a promise to “Clean Up the Streets”. Wow. You don’t think… Gosh… That one Mayor was Italian, too – and Gawd knows, those Mafia Guys, or Dons, or whatever he calls himself – can be pretty rascist. Ooh. And the other one was Jewish, I guess. And we all know how Jewish Mayors feel about Black People. Right? Right? Am I right?
But, back to Jerry Seinfeld. I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but: “What did Jerry Seinfeld do with all the black actors in New York city?!” “Where the fuck are they?!” “Did they ALL fall down a well or something, Jerry Seinfeld?!”
Geez Louise. And Jerry Seinfeld’s the go-to-guy apologizing for Michael Richards in this whole Black-u-drama?! Holy Aunt Jemima, Blackman! But what to call this imbroglio (Er, not to offend any Brogs, by the way)? Kramergate? Seinfeldgate? Gibsongate Part II? (Oh. And, by the way, Niggergate is out of the question. So, don’t even go there, sister. STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Sooey’s is NOT a rascist site – it is just a bloggers’ site.)
Heheh – although it’s funny, now I think of it, I guess if shouting “Fire!” in a crowded theatre doesn’t get the audience moving towards the exits, shouting “Nigger!” sure will. And we’ve got Michael Richards to thank for that bit of insight into what will get an audience moving.
Even the type of audience that goes to see a Michael Richards show.
I dunno. I wonder if anybody thought to ask for their money back: “Michael Richards? What was I thinking? I must have been on crack when I bought those tickets…”
Okay. I’ll stop now. Back to the REAL Hollywood damage control brigade.
Looting/Troughing at the Treasury
Not to pick on Jim Flaherty overly, but I’d really like to deliver a boot to the nut sack of every one of his supporters. The guy is possibly the worst political opportunist and hypocrite outside of John Baird. At least, I assume he’s outside of John Baird (nudge nudge wink wink).
This latest musing aloud to allow “Income Splitting” which is cleverly being sold as a way to even up the tax monster for stay-at-home moms is really sticking in my craw. And my craw is pretty stuck already with things I detest about Canada’s New Conservative Government – which is so startling reminiscent of Ontario’s Old Conservative Government. Not the Bill Davis one (and to be fair – I hated it with a passion most people reserve for Hitler or Stalin or George W. Bush) but the Mike Harris one. You remember Mike Harris? He was that no good thug who ran the Province of Ontario for a while because people are really stupid and actually thought he was “The Taxslayer” and not just some useless numbskull who had conned his way to the top of the useless dung heap that was the Big Blue Machine after Bill Davis retired from politics to do whatever greasy old pigs do after they’re done at the trough.
Now where was I…
Oh yeah – income splitting. Now, few people seem to realize, with all the whining that traditional families seem to get up to about tax unfairness and yadda yadda blah blah in between organizing campaigns to prevent other people from having their human rights recognized in law – that stay-at-home moms (i.e. nannies/cooks/maids/sexbuddies) are already claimed as dependents on their husbands’ tax forms. Now, since stay-at-home wives don’t generate any income, and therefore don’t pay any income tax – I figure being claimed as a dependent is probably as good as it should get – taxwise.
Income splitting, on the other hand, is a whole other ballgame being sold as something that is for those “middle-class” stay-at-home traditional family moms that is really going to benefit most – the rich buddies of guys like Jim Flaherty. What’s being billed as the “only fair thing to do” is going to screw everybody who isn’t a wealthy family values supporter. In other words – everybody who doesn’t support Jim Flaherty. That’s because real middle-class families already get a tax break because – the husband can claim the stay-at-home mom as a dependent.
Which she is. Oh. And boy – she is. I know. I was one. (And all I can say by way of advice is – make sure, mom, you and daddy-o have a joint account BEFORE anybody gives up her perfectly good job to stay at home with the kidlins.)
On the upside (and boy, oh boy – could there be an upside for people amused by bad government policy – i.e. bribes for votes to make a minority government a majority government) – gay couples will flock to the altar with the added human rights argument “why should we be cut out of income splitting?”, lots of people with low paying crappy jobs will quit them – whether they have kids or not – to give their partner the tax break that will be the equivalent of working “hey – make your own dinner – I lay on the couch all day so you could get a tax break!”, and people will think really long and hard about getting divorced – just not very long and hard about getting married in the first place, “Yay! You work, I’ll stay home! Le’ts get hitched! Tax break!”
Still, the government had better make sure both incomes are going into a joint account for equal use by both parties or… again – boy, oh boy – if you think divorce is ugly now, wait until the income splitting divorces start hitting the fan.
And on the up, up, upside? Income splitting could deplete the government coffers to the point where there isn’t any money left to bring democracy to Afghanistan and hundreds of young Canadian lives will be saved because there wasn’t enough money to send them there to wage the war that needs to be waged in the meantime.
Jim Flaherty must be stopped.