Archive for October, 2010
Stop! Or I’ll Sue!
Apparently, a member of the G20 security force – ON WHICH WE SPENT $1BILLION - who answers, angrily, to the name of “Officer Bubbles” is threatening to sue YouTube because a video of him threatening a bubble blowing “protester” (“protester” as in “citizen expressing her concern for democracy by blowing bubbles in the direction of mercenaries hired by the government to suppress political dissent during the G8/G20 summits”) with arrest has inspired satirical cartoons that make him out to be the sort of steroidal headcase who threatens people with arrest for blowing bubbles.
Oh, and as part of the threatened lawsuit against YouTube (his lawyer, of the firm, “Sioux, Grabbit, and Runne”, says the lawsuit is in its preliminary stages and he’s in discussions with YouTube to resolve it) “Officer Bubbles” is claiming there have been threats made against him and his family.
So he’s demanding that YouTube reveal the identities of the person who created and posted the cartoon and people who posted comments in response. Like, or else.
Uh… gee.. “Officer Bubbles”, you threatened a fellow citizen with arrest for blowing bubbles – with cameras rolling. It’s not like you wouldn’t have thrown her to the ground, ‘cuffed her, and tossed her into the gulag with the rest of the rabble – the rabble now being joined in at least one class action suit for millions of dollars against the Police Services Board and the Attorney General of Canada for abuse of power, abuse of process, false arrest, false imprisonment, infliction of mental suffering, invasion of privacy and abuse of public office – if there hadn’t been any cameras rolling. I mean, c’mon, tell me you wouldn’t like to bust open the heads of the Raging Grannies with your billy club right now if you could. Like, say if they were walking by your house with their placards, heading to a rally somewhere, one of those smug lefty hippie give peace a chance homosexual fringe group hug fests, and you were, you know, just hanging out, alone, playing Grand Theft Auto, the family all locked in the closet for the afternoon, you check up and down the street, the neighbours are all at Best Buy, you’re there, they’re there, your fingers start twitching, the billy club says, “please sir, another blow”.
Oh, you so would. Cripes, even I would. Hell, they probably would. Or, at least, if they didn’t want to bust in each other’s heads, they’d probably want to bust in the heads of The Barenaked Ladies.
Mmmmm, Barenaked Lady Head pie.
And so now you want to know the identities of the class clowns who came up with a cartoon “Officer Bubbles” on an arrest rampage that includes President Obama and Santa Claus? By way of threatening YouTube with a $1.2 million defamation lawsuit? Dude, there’s videotaped evidence of you threatening to arrest a woman for blowing bubbles. And your defence is that the ridicule goes beyond what is reasonable?!
“Officer Bubbles”, “Officer Bubbles”, “Officer Bubbles”, Solicitor Sooey Says: Go big or go home. $1.2 million? Phff. Why not just rent a billboard telling everybody yo mama’s so stupid she calls her son ass and her house crack, and when ass goes missing she calls the cops and says, I can’t find my ass anywhere – even when I look in my crack. That ridicule is so way beyond reasonable I’m here to tell you – Fuhgeddabouddit. That’s mockery, is what that is. Flat out mockery. What you want to do is launch a counter class action lawsuit (by the Police Services Board and the Attorney General of Canada) against the $145 million class action lawsuit that’s been launched by the people you were forced to arrest, you know, those rabblers pretending to be on their way to work, pretending to have only one leg, pretending to be “journalists” (yeah, sure, because journalists ALWAYS show up to cover events held on the weekend). Your defence? Man, they made you look totally fucking crazy.
Seriously. I am not kidding. There are so many videos of you guys looking like total psychotards. It was like the government opened the doors to the secret loony bins where they keep all the old fashioned drooling raving kind of lunatics, and gave them all badges and billy clubs and told them they were on a special mission to scare the shit out of people who live in downtown Toronto for the duration of the G8/G20 summit.
This kind of ridicule is worth way more’n $1.2 million, “Officer Bubbles”. Wayyyyy more. You are owned, er, I mean, owed, Dude. Trust me. I am almost never wrong about these things.
Same Water, Different Boat
I’ll flesh this entry out a little later in the day, but I wanted to lay claim to the title before some other thieving internutter pretended he’d come up with it. If it turns out I’ve ripped off someone else, well, I can’t be everywhere on the friggin’ internet, dammit!