Saturday November 01 , 2014

Archive for October, 2011

But Never Trust an Editor

Apparently, the National Post ran a commercial during 60 Minutes last night with the headline, “Trust Canada’s Troops Before It’s Politicians”. (Highlighting mine.)

It was actually a commercial for the National Post and its star columnist, Christie Blatchford (une favourite de moi), who normally benefits mightily from a good editing and whose pre-edit title had been, “Canadian soldiers are better, more reliable and infinitely more trustworthy bearers of what is good in this country, and of the public trust, than Canadian political leaders.”

Hm. A bit wordy, agreed. Also, not altogether accurate, in my opinion. Of course, unlike Christie, I never met a man in uniform I did like.

So, all you kids out there watching 60 Minutes last night, forget the National Post (like millions of other Canadians) and remember what Sooey Say: Politicians don’t kill people, troops kill people.

And always double back for a grammar check (because spell check is never enough) for it’s/its and there/their/they’re.

Maybe one day you can leave the #OccupyThisSpace movement and get a job as an editor at the National Post.

 

Retire that Term

“Law-abiding”

Like “hard-working”, it doesn’t mean anything. So, please put a penny in the jar every time you hear a politician use it and then we’ll put all our pennies together at the end of the year and retire the debt.

But speaking of which, I took a squinty peek at a CTV article about the Harper Government’s latest psychodrama, this one involving its chest-thumping decision to scrap the gun registry, and I came across this comment by one Jim Kennedy:

Put the wasted money towards real crime fighting. I have never registered any of my guns and never will. Go after the drug gangs and the knife users.

And this one from one JD:

@Bob,Calgary,Alberta – The CPC doesn’t just use the information you give them, they also do research on you to see what information they can find and record that. Remember when the group of Jewish individuals were upset because the CPC sent them cards when they never told them they were Jewish? It was then they had to admit that they are amassing a database on their supports whether they like it or not. Try and get them to delete that info. Good luck.

Psst, Bob – it was actually the Conservative Party of Canada that, uh, apparently kept, um, well, a list of Jews, so, like, it could send them Hanukkah cards at Christmas, or so said a spokesthingy at the time.

Oh dear. Ian here is doing some math:

Approximately 32% of all homicides involved firearms over the last ten years (1988-1996). Twenty-nine percent involved stabbing, 20% beating, 11% strangulation and the remaining 7% involved other methods (e.g., fire, poisoning). Maybe we should be more concerned with the other 68%.

Gee, Ian, if you apply that same math to the Harper Government, I bet you’ll find that more people didn’t vote for it to scrap the gun registry than did, too.

Finally, there’s this gem from Salt and Vinegar, which may or may not be a real name:

It is against the Canadian Constitution to assume everyone owning a gun is a criminal that needs to be watched and monitored. This is profiling of innocent folks.

Innocent, eh. So, you’ve never sinned, have you, Salt and Vinegar. Except that you used the word “folks” and that’s a sin. Look it up if you don’t believe me. It’s right there in Chapter 365 of  the Canadian Constitution.

Yup. I figure just one more psychodrama from the Harper Government and I’ll be in the market for a new irony-o-meter. Maybe even a new brain.

Oh, and while you’re at it, put a penny in the jar every time you hear a politician use the term “hard-working”, too. Maybe we’ll have enough money by the end of the year to retire everybody’s debt.

 

The Tarsands Development Industry’s War on Feminists

A couple of days ago I read a column about a column about a column over on the Facebook page of journalist, Antonia Zerbisias, that loudly claimed to be about the ethical oil produced by the Alberta tarsands, as opposed to the misogynistic oil that comes to us from Saudi Arabia, but which was actually just another Conservative Party of Canada attack on western Feminists, part of a wider and ongoing War on Feminists that has been waged by the Right for years.

Anyway, the columnist was a shill for the Harper Government subsidized tarsands development industry, a woman (ah, the old “divide and conquer” strategy beloved by the Right, eh?), the column of the classic Conservative Party of Canada attack ad variety: (cue ominous-sounding single bass note) “Western Feminists support the murder of women in Saudi Arabia. Fight back against Western Feminists. Support the developers of the tarsands.”

Oh. Okay. Well. I can get on board domestically-produced oil for sale across Canada and the United States. After all, the Harper Government has essentially ensured that all our eggs are in that one basket, anyway, kept warm by the burning of fossil fuels, so it’s not like I really have any choice, western Feminist or not. But I see no reason why I shouldn’t demand that the tarsands development industry be held to account for any and all negative human and environmental health effects that are the direct result of its desire to maximize benefits to shareholders and minimize costs to shareholders – NOW – as opposed to spending what it costs to develop the tarsands without all those negative human and environmental health effects, regardless of whether it delays shareholder profits to another day.

And since I support the tarsands development industry as a western Feminist whether I want to or not (like support for the troops, the fact of Canadian government support for the tarsands development industry means, by default, that I also support the tarsands development industry), I want the Canadian government, my government, now known as the Harper Government, but still my government, to act on my behalf, as my elected representative to the Parliament of Canada (not the Parliament of the tarsands development industry – the Parliament of Canada), to maximize benefits to Canadians and minimize costs to Canadian.

In other words, protect the interests of the shareholders of Canada.

And if that means development of the tarsands has to be slowed down, routes altered, orders cancelled, names changed – whatever – I expect my government to act in my interests to make it so. Because the big fat fact of the matter is that none of this is about the development of the tarsands industry, which continues unabated regardless of citizen opposition to it, it’s ALL about development of the tarsands industry to maximize profits for shareholders – NOW. It’s about gettin’ making as much money as possible for the same old same old 1% with no consideration for the other 99% of citizens who have no real choice in the matter one way or the other.

To paraphrase the Mayor of Toronto, brought to us by the Harper Government, Rob Fucking Ford: “You fucking bitches! Don’t you fucking know? I’m Sooey Fucking Says, western Feminist, and citizen of this country!”

 

Wait a Fucking Rob Ford Minute

Why not never try to pay off the deficit? I mean, why can’t we just keep going along like we’ve been going along? You know, on that one way trajectory that we’re on anyway? Who are we to say when a deficit’s too high?

 

“It Gets Better, You Fucking Bitches!” Mashup

Brought to you by Toronto Mayor Rob Fucking Ford and the Harper Government Cabinet!

Now, originally I was going to blog that I think Stephen Harper should do a “It Gets Better” commercial for CBC, to send the message to gay teens that he understands and cares and as soon as he and his flying monkeys are done looting the federal Treasury and smashing the Liberal state he’s going to enact a law against bullying.

(Omigawd. I just noticed the irony of that last sentence.)

And then I was going to to suggest that he do the commercial for Sun TV, instead, without, of course, using the “G” word, just like in the “It Gets Better” video that features a handful of his non-gay Cabinet Ministers telling gay teens that “it gets better”. You know, to reassure gay teens AND Sun TV’s viewer(s) that “it gets better” (it won’t, Sun TV viewer(s)).

But then I started wondering if the idea behind the Harper Cabinet video was to have non-gay Cabinet Ministers tell gay teens that “it gets better” because non-gay Cabinet Ministers really have no fucking idea whether it does or doesn’t and gay Cabinet Ministers (and the Prime Minister, who, let’s face it, has never explicitly said he’s gay or not gay, either) are conflicted about telling gay teens that “it gets better” when it only got better for them because they stay safely in the closet.

Then, praise by to gaia, Rob Ford careened into my sights by dialing 9-1-1 and yelling at the dispatcher, “You fucking bitches! Don’t you fucking know? I’m Rob Fucking Ford, the mayor of this city!” and I thought, “Eu-fucking-reka!”

So now I’m blogging about an “It Gets Better” franchise, kickstarted with an ”It Gets Better, You Fucking Bitches!” video/commercial/bumper sticker/button – you name that medium for the message – featuring Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and the Harper Government Cabinet.

I mean, talk about reaching out. And then, say, Don Cherry could do a commercial for Coach’s Corner, “It Gets Better, You Pukes!”

And so on and so forth and more of the same etc etc until the little bastards finally get the message, “It Gets Better, OR ELSE!!”

Of course, if none of them would agree to do it we could always get my mother to do her version of “It Gets Better”, the one we, her children, grew up with (one of us even semi-successfully, although, he has a wife) “Ohferchrissakes, you’re not exactly a widow with four young children, are you!” Or, “Ohferchrissakes, who the hell told you life was a bowl of cherries/picnic/rose garden!” And our all-time favourite for assuring us that our problems in this old world didn’t amount to a hill of beans, “Ohferchrissakes, I’m having a martini!”

After all, she’s not gay, either.