Monday July 28 , 2014

Archive for March, 2012

Saturday Night Tweeter

Here are some tweets I made recently:

Seriously, Justin Trudeau: If Boxing Canada calls and tells you the boxing match has been relocated to Edmonton ask, “Is that you, Stephen?”

Oh dear, Justin Trudeau just declared: “I will be fighting with Katimavik in mind.” Omigawd no, please, Justin, fight with survival in mind.

Question to Ottawa’s homosexual and grandcougar community: How much did front row seats to the Justin Trudeau/Patrick Brazeau box off cost?

Can Senators retire early and collect a public service pension or do they have to punch the clock at the Red Chamber until age 75?

Why are we paying Stephen Harper, middleman, to deregulate environmental and health protection when tarsands developers will do it for free?

Cripes, Stephen Harper goes through Communications Directors like Elizabeth Taylor went through husbands!

My beau sent me a video today. I forwarded to co-workers. Turns out it was “so six hours ago” that they’d ALL already seen it. Should I sue?

Nevermind George Zimmerman, I want the state of Florida arrested by a state with an actual judicial system.

Tip to Private and Public Sector Employers in Ottawa: I’ve noticed recently that a good cafeteria makes the work day not completely suck.

Does Kevin O’Leary even live here? And if so, why? Because if he’s so rich, and he wants to live in China, why doesn’t he live in China?

Urgent update to advertisers in free newspapers: People read free newspapers because they’re SO cheap – they won’t even pay for a newspaper.

Budget 2012 Recipe 1) Take the worst of previous governments 2) Add divide & conquer 3) Sweat the small stuff right down to the penny 4) Mix

Well well, turns out Jean Chretien is more of a Conservative (but less of a cheater) than Stephen “I Hate Everybody and her Habitat” Harper.

 

The NDP – Pwn’ed

And by the NDP I mean the Negative Doubting Purists.

And yeah, yeah – stuff your WTF?s in a sack, pundits. I liked Thomas Mulcair’s speech that was not and here’s why:

1) His first order of business was to thank his wife, who, he said, was already very busy with her own professional life, but gave up time for his. Bravo, politician, bravo. Now if only more husbands would do the same we’d have more wives winning leadership contests.

2) After the thank yous to the people who helped him win the leadership he talked about the importance of democracy and the need to restore it to Canada. Then he talked about restoring our reputation in the world. Bravo, again.

3) He didn’t waste time and oxygen reaching out to the blackmailing dogmatists who threatened throughout the campaign to leave the NDP if he won.

4) Instead, he made a shout out to Liberal voters and a shut off to the Liberal Party of Canada. Remember, LPC – nobody still likes you, so please don’t get in the way again of an NDP defeat of those cockburger Conservatives. Thank you.

Anyway, it’s all good. The problem for the old guard is that he brings the NDP into the Quebec fold (not the other way around) and that’s a pretty big change, the possibility of actual victory with people from all across the country, with the exception of the Oil Republic of Alberta, voting NDP because the party is led by a non-card-carrying Liberal, more or less.

Indeed, the sight of all those grammas and grampas in the NDP (mostly ex leaders) grimly reciting “tous ensemble” and clapping like the Darth Vader theme was playing in their snowy white heads said it all, didn’t it.

Where are we again? What the hell time is it? Who are all these kids on our front lawn anyway?

The NDP is dead, long live Thomas Mulcair and his party of New Democrats.

 

My Last Night Tweets

Brutal CBC’s The National political panel PR callout on none of the NDP leadership candidates anticipating “Evita” in the evening, eh?

Okay, CBC, we get it, rollover, show belly – you’re worth whatever it costs to prevent the RCP (Royal Conservative Party) CBC.

Thomas Mulcair speech, “Make Me Your Leader, Dammit, You Stupid AngloFrancophones!”

When one hears that cooperation is the concept that can sink a candidate one does wonder about the point of either the NDP or the Liberals.

Wrong, media – the law didn’t let Zimmerman off the hook – it enacted him.

Seriously, if not for the lack of confidence, discipline and ambition, I could have been Madonna.

It’s not you, RCMP, it’s the psycho cops who work for you that make us question the point of having a national police force.

Peggy! You’re a woman and the speech ran over! Geez Louise, Peggy!

Maybe when you just might be ever so slightly less than legitimate, Tony Clement, you don’t comment on who, why, when, what, or where.

Uh oh. Somebody forgot to give Ed Broadbent the memo…

CPC? We organize our society in a very simple way, we tell our children that you don’t cheat to win – because that’s not reeeeeally winning.

Okay, people – I think the NDP have nailed the hippie revival vote tonight! And also the broadway play/madonna circa 1996 vote!

WHOA! Olivia Chow… “Evita! Evita! Evita!”

Omigawd! It’s not about Jack Layton – it’s about Olivia Chow! How sexist, how racist, are we – that we missed it!

Hello? Bob Rae? Nicole Turmel didn’t get in the way. Is that just because she’s a woman? Or because she knows how to do the job.

“Stand Your Ground” legalizes pre-emptive cold-blooded first degree murder. Like a pre-emptive nuclear strike on Iran. It’s wrong/bad/evil.

Good grief, Ed Broadbent, how would it even be possible for the media to take “he bombed” out of context?

If/when the Conservative Party of Canada is found guilty of committing electoral fraud, why would its post-election legislation be valid?

 

I Guess Anybody Can Make Laws in Canada Now

If/when the Conservative Party of Canada is found guilty of having committed electoral fraud to get Stephen Harper elected to a majority government, why would Canadians allow any of the government’s post-election legislation to stand?

I mean, it’s pretty obvious to me that the government cheated, you too, probably, dear Sooey Says reader(s), that the tar sands stakes are so high for a handful of Canadians that we’ve essentially been subject to a coup, that Stephen Harper et al have no legitimacy as elected officials because their political party, and we have a party system in Canada, cheated to get them elected.

But what do we do when everybody knows it, when the proof has been printed, when even 99% of our newspaper editorial boards are forced to concede to the 1%, you were right, we should not have endorsed the Harper Regime for re-election because, as it turns out, it cheats.

The government plans to remove legal protection for fish habitat from being used as dumps by industry. Water, in other words, can legally be turned into sewage, just like back in the olden days before people had brains. Why is the illegitimate Harper Regime being allowed to turn our natural environment into an open sewer for the convenience of the oil and gas industry, even though we pretty much know, just haven’t yet proven beyond the slimmest shadow of a doubt, that the Conservative Party of Canada is guilty of having committed electoral fraud to boost the crooked bums into a majority government? The kind of government that can, with the stroke of a pen, turn our fresh and salt water into legal dumping grounds for industrial waste?

The kind of government that would even contemplate such a thing, let alone carry through on it?

By the way, why own a farm, or any property, in this country if industry has the legal go ahead from our government to poison our collective water supply?

Are all Conservatives cheaters or just the ones that currently form the government? Why aren’t Conservatives across the country demanding a public inquiry? Is cheating such an integral part of being Conservative that they have another word for it now – like… winning? Has it always been like this? Did Mulroney cheat to win, too? Diefenbaker? Clark?

WTF?! Why would anybody want a bunch of cheaters to get away with claiming a win?

Seriously, do we have any constitutional lawyers in this country who haven’t been compromised by the fact that they’ve been appointed by Stephen Harper to live in a palace and play Queen of Canada for a few years or somesuch who can speak to this abomination of democracy? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?

There ought to be a law. Seriously. There ought to be a law against this government.

 

Who’s Afraid of Thomas Mulcair?

Funny you should wonder that, Sooey Says reader(s) because, apparently, everybody on my Facebook page is very afraid of Thomas Mulcair.

(I’m more diversified on Twitter on account of anyone who follows me I follow right back because I have no idea how Twitter works but I don’t want to be rude.)

But back to the NDP leadership race and what appears to be an inevitable win by Thomas Mulcair and the knee-knocking and fist-shaking this prospect is causing across this knee-knocking and fist-shaking country of ours.

By the way, why does the NDP have those famously democratic conventions at which party policy is voted on by members of the party if they can then accidentally or deliberately (or because every Liberal in Canada bought a membership to the NDP last month to vote for Thomas Mulcair) end up with Thomas Mulcair as their leader thereby rendering all that voted on party policy yesterday’s giveaway news?

I mean, $25 for a membership to the NDP to vote for its leader? Is Brian Topp responsible for that decision? Because if he is, hahahahahaha! Good one, Brian. Seriously, after Thomas Mulcair wins this one, you should run for leader of the Liberal Party.

No, I kid, NDP – $25 is a fair and just price to pay. And I almost joined, too, but I don’t like doing online transactions with political parties because I don’t trust them not to put my name on a robocall list. And I don’t trust Stephen Harper not to make a law decreeing that the opposition must hand over to him all of the robocall lists in the land. And I don’t trust the NDP not to comply while complaining that it’s this sort of behaviour by Stephen Harper that is making a mockery of Parliament.

So, Mulcair will win, I guess, or so sayeth the sooths. Doesn’t he have to adapt to the policies decided on by the party, though, if he does? Why does it matter if he’s crazier’n a bag of hammers like Stephen Harper or just a little bit crazy like Helena Guergis? It’s the New DEMOCRATIC Party, riiiiight? The members of the party decide how it’s going to be, not the leader.

Riiiiight?

Gawd I’m sick of party politics and political parties. And good grief but at this point I don’t think even Jack Layton would recognize Jack Layton, if you catch my drift. The closer we get to this convention, the more I look back fondly on Christy Blatchford’s eulogy, to be honest.

Not really. That was a pretty mean eulogy. Especially since it was probably mostly true, not that I have any idea, really, although the one time I met Jack Layton he struck me as kind of humourless.

(I twittered a really mean joke earlier tonight: “Haha, endorse a candidate, M. Turmel, most Canadians would have no idea who it is anyway – and the rest of us wouldn’t know what you said!”)

Also, why is the guy who raised the most money supposed to be the next leader of the NDP even though nobody in the NDP (on my Facebook page, anyway) wants him to win and why is Ed Broadbent yammering on about the NDP being the only party with social democratic values with nobody arguing back, “Hey, we have social democratic values, old man – we have social democratic values coming out our asses!”

As my friend’s mom used to say to her and siblings growing up: “Fight you bastards – I hate peace!”

In closing, here are two more twitter jokes I made last night:

I am so looking forward to Thomas Mulcair’s begrudging acceptance speech and/or victory tirade when he wins the NDP leadership this weekend.

and

1st NDPer says, “I don’t like how crazy ol’ man Mulcair is looking at me.” 2nd NDPer says, “Me neither. Let’s make him leader.”