Resigning, CAPP in Hand

Gosh, I’m so excited to have an old man finance minister.

There’s nothing like an old man to know how it is.

Old men really get it, how it is now, especially old men from the world of investment banking.

Cripes, I feel like my brain is going to explode from all that sarcasm. Ouch, baby. Mean much, Sooey? Well, don’t mind if I do, actually, because if it was up to me, Joe Oliver would have been put on an ice floe two decades ago.

But I pay taxes to cover the salaries of men like Joe Oliver, who, in turn are supposed to govern for me and they don’t, not at all, not even a bit. Joe Oliver is a lobbyist for the oil and gas industry. He doesn’t work for me, or you, or anybody I know. In fact, he works against me, loudly, deliberately, like a public master, not a public servant.

Alison Redford just resigned over expensive airfares. Meanwhile, Stephen Harper is still taking up office space in the PMO in spite of his personal security bill having ballooned to grabillions. All to make it appear as if he’s in danger from people like me, of course.

Either that or he’s got big trouble with the mafia or bikers or gangs of some sort, in which case he should just call on his fishing buddy, Rob Ford, for a little muscle.

It’s so tiresome, isn’t it? Politicians being elected to waste everybody’s money on bullshit covered in bullshit because Conservative Canadians are so bloody stupid they think that people like me are the problem.

I’m not the one with the off shore account, you bunch of numbnutted nutters. And I’m not the one who turned a surplus into a deficit and then sold off all our assets to break us even. And I’m not the one flying all my kooky friends over to Israel to stake out my position for The Rapture. I’m not the enemy, I’m a fourth (fifth?) generation Canadian taxpayer watching incredulously as people who call themselves Conservative elect politicians to raid the public purse and line their personal pockets – over and over and over again.

Thanks for no jobs left and no social safety net, either, you numbskulls.

And why is a province like Alberta, a province that should be glowing with public health and well-being, “partnering” with oilmen, like some kind of dirtroad backwater, CAPP in hand, so to speak, to teach its children what’s what in the modern world.

It’s okay. You don’t have to answer that question. We know why – Conservatives.

Anyway, here’s hoping Stephen Harper will beat CAPP to it and take advantage of this golden opportunity while Alberta is Premierless to install himself as its “interim” Premier so he can fulfill his lifelong dream of building a separatist firewall around it.

He shouldn’t need a grabillion dollars of security while surrounded by friends, as he will be, so, woohoo, maybe we can start replacing that missing $3 billion you’d think Conservative voters would be upset about before the next round of electoral fraud in 2015 elects Prime Minister Pierre Poutine.


  1. Great points Sooey. Lots of zingers.

    All so true and too funny. Humour is the best medicine but the real cure would be to get all these con clowns and their rapture zombie/fearful leader out of town – on the next bus. I am convinced that “minimum wage earners” could ably replace the current oily group and SHEESH would that ever be a change for the better.

  2. Thanks, Bill. What is there to do but laugh, really. Conservatives are still vowing to vote for Rob Ford, ferchrissakes. And the same Manning Centre graduate who made him mayor is running John Tory’s campaign now. Nice work if you can get it. What makes me nervous is that they’re lying about the economy. There aren’t any jobs for people like me, and it’s getting harder and harder to land anywhere in the social safety net because it’s so full of holes. Mike Harris was a crime against Ontarians, for sure, but if Tim Hudak gets in we’re screwed. Imagine, a Conservative trifecta, Canada/Ontario/Toronto. That would be it. Done.