The Church of Our Holy Tarsands

There’s a story today in the Toronto Star (no, it’s not about the mayor of Toronto, Norm Kelly) featuring Nathan Cullen trying to get answers from our lying lie-faced liar Conservative Party of Canada government about millions of tax dollars doled out to various and sundry to advertise a certain product to reluctant markets.

You guessed it, more of our hard-earned tax dollars donated by our Conservative Party of Canada government to the Church of Our Holy Tarsands.

Cripes, can you imagine how much energy, security, and prosperity we’d have if we didn’t subsidize this sinkhole of a for-profit charity?

Anyway, I already blogged about this so my apologies to my regulars but a while back I went for an interview on a deserted office floor in downtown Ottawa that we’re paying for no one to work in apparently.

I was prepared for weirdness because the night before the interview I googled the task force that would be interviewing me “Energy, Security and Prosperity” (which is related to the Major Projects Management Office which is related to Natural Resources Canada) and came up pretty much empty.

So I should have been prepared for emptiness, I guess, because really, the whole government’s a front for the Church of Our Holy Tarsands.

By the way, Natural Resources Canada should not be confused with Canadian Natural Resources Inc, the company responsible for the massive underground oil leak now bubbling to the surface and contaminating huge swaths of Alberta and its groundwater that no one, least of all anyone from Canadian Natural Resources Inc, knows how to stop.

I guess no one from Natural Resources Canada knows how to stop it either.

I dunno, maybe Natural Resources Canada and Canadian Natural Resources Inc are one and the same now and I’m the fool for thinking that one’s a business and one’s the government department that should be regulating it.

Or would that be the pretty much no longer in operation Environment Canada?

Wrong! The government of Alberta is responsible for regulating Canadian Natural Resources Inc! So good luck with all that, Albertans!

Anyway, Major Projects Management Office was set up by the Harper Government (TM) to act as sort of a money laundering/slush fund operation for your and my hard-earned tax dollars because the Church of Our Holy Tarsands needs a lot of money, honey.

I can say that and not get sued if it’s true, right?

Oh cripes, I can get hauled before a Canadian Human Rights Commission for questioning religion, though, can’t I.

Say, I wonder if the Church of Our Holy Tarsands gets advertising money from the Office for Religious Freedom, too?

So yes, it was difficult to get any real information about the “Energy, Security and Prosperity” task force by googling it which I did the night before my interview, but I did find a speech by a former Deputy Minister (it was Deputy Minister-less at the time of my interview) down in Pennsylvania (or was it across in Transylvania…) to a class of university students.

He pointed out to them that the coal mined in Pennsylvania or Transylvania (who can remember anything in this global village and does it even matter anymore anyway now that the oceans are too warm and we’re about to be capsized by a massive storm wave) causes way more greenhouse gas emissions than does tarsands development.

Ah, I thought, handy. I shall use this random possibly true factoid to bolster my case that I am the person they want to hire for whatever this job is that I’m being interviewed for tomorrow.

To cut to the chase, I think, they were looking for someone to help them evaluate proposals from government departments as to how to spend the millions of dollars they were expecting to receive any day now (this is last… fall?) to advertise the Church of Our Holy Tarsands to a disbelieving world.

Then they asked me what I thought of the Conservative Party of Canada government’s advertising of the Church of Our Holy Tarsands so far and I refrained from exclaiming “Why the fuck is the government using my tax dollars to advertise Tarsands Inc?!!” to suggest that it was sorely lacking in refinement.

I wasn’t making a pun, at the time.

Also, they didn’t say Conservative Party of Canada government or Church of Our Holy Tarsands and neither did I, although I choked a bit when I said oilsands and said something like “taroilsands”, which may have cost me the job.

“I dunno, but, I don’t think slandering people concerned about climate change and bragging about our human rights record compared to Saudi Arabia’s is doing the trick. I think more positivity and less negativity, i.e. flies with honey, is a better strategy.”

I put that in quotes here because it is pretty much verbatim what I recall saying because by that point I realized I would not be able to take the oath let alone keep it.

The job stunk to high heaven, no offense to my interviewers, who were just doing theirs.

Then I told them about the speech by their ex-Deputy Minister and they were dutifully impressed but not enough to hire me when they realized I didn’t already work for the government and they’d have to go through a whole rigamarole to get the dirty deed done.

Also, I wasn’t even remotely qualified to do it.

Long story short, I never heard back, so fuck ‘em, you’re welcome, whoever reads this. Tell ‘em Sooey sent ya.

No wait, don’t. You never know when the job might come around again. My part-time minimum wage experience in retail could swing it my way this time.

1 Comment

  1. This is an excellent post.
    A world standing on a precipice.
    Feb 10/2014

    Business coalition announces. Massive offensive against environment protection