Updated to: “Suck It, Alberta Conservatives”

(Albertans: This is not directed at you. It is directed at your Conservative politicians which, thanks to you, are in Ottawa ruining Canada. Okay, maybe this is directed at you.)

Because we hate you, we really hate you, Alberta Conservatives. Justin Trudeau was right the first time, no matter what he’s saying now. And here’s my prediction: Joan Crockatt will win Calgary Center without even having campaigned because Alberta Conservatives have turned Alberta into a one-party state, a subsidiary of Tarsands Inc. Good christ, the Conservative Party of Canada probably won’t even bother cranking up the CIMS cheat machine for this one, although we’ll see – in ten years time when Elections Canada gets around to investigating it because a few brave souls made a complaint about a change in their polling stations to Edmonton.

That’s why we hate you, Alberta Conservatives, you didn’t just ruin Canada for no apparent reason, other than that you hate Quebec Liberals, but you made us an international laughing stock for our electoral process that allows cheaters to win and the opposition to be left huffing and puffing to a prorogued Parliament.

Who cares if there’s an unprecedented upset in Calgary Centre (there, just changed it to the French spelling – hah!) and Joan Crockatt doesn’t win, anyway – even the Green candidate is afraid to say he doesn’t think developing the tarsands and destroying the planet is a good idea for anyone other than Calgarians in the money today.

Cripes, we’re unemployed thanks to your good ol’ boys, our social programs are being sold off with the silverware of Rideau Hall, and you’re flying horses in to stay at the Royal York Hotel in downtown Toronto.

We. Hate. You.

By the way, here’s what I tweeted last night:

#cdnpoli Odd reaction re Justin Trudeau on Alberta Conservatives in Ottawa when Stephen Harper signed this http://t.co/qm3mty9D

I mean, ferchrissakes, media, the Prime Minister is an Alberta separatist, a signatory to a plan to secede from the federation, who cheated his way to a majority government (although we know now the cheating started well before the May 2nd 2011 election) so he could plunder the federal treasury to travel the globe marketing Alberta tarsands grease.

Of course, why would anyone think he wouldn’t? Anybody checked on Alberta’s Heritage Fund lately? Oh yeah, that’s right, it was plundered.

By Alberta Conservatives!

Receipts for all that “Red Tape” cutting? Well, the Parliamentary Budget Officer is going to court to try and get some, but as we know, why leave a paper trail when you can just have your pet pug, Pierre Poilievre (about whom the Ottawa Citizen did a fawning piece a couple of weeks ago that made my teeth sing – what the hell is in the water in Nepean, anyway?!) stand up on his hind legs in the House and deflect, deflect, deflect.

Seriously, why do we even have Question Period anymore. Cancel it. Waste of money. Just give the difference to Stephen Harper for another trip to La La Land to market Alberta tarsands grease.

O.Mi.Gawd. I am so angry. Whiny Alberta Conservatives have been squawking and wailing into my Ontario ears my whole effin’ life, “What about us? Let the West in! You can trust us! We’re better’n you! Oh yah? Well freeze in the dark without our oil then ya eastern bastards!”

Do we even get their oil in Ontario?

And didn’t our farmers send their farmers free hay, no strings attached, when they were in a desperate drought? Droughts which will only get worse as climate change increases?

I mean, everyone in the country was upset about tainted beef on behalf of the Alberta cattle industry but, “Stop saying we gave you Dutch Disease just because our precious oil prices wiped out your manufacturing industries and our Prime Minister doesn’t give a shit because he hates Liberals so much!”

It’s effed up. Stupid. Crazy. Enough. We. Officially. Hate. You.

There, happy?

Is there still too much oxygen out there or something? Well, don’t worry Alberta Conservatives, developing the tarsands will take care of that. Yup. It’s your time in the sun alright. And yeah, why should you have to share the wealth with anyone else when it’s your oil that’s destroying the planet.

No arguing with that logic.

Just not clear on why you wanted to come all the way to Ottawa to… oh right… Ottawa is where the federal treasury is. And geez louise, but you really make Quebec Liberals look like pikers. At least what they tooketh away with one hand, they put back with the other, mostly. You, cripes, it all goes to your oilmen pals with a stop at go to donate a handful to vacationing Muskoka millionaires – and all we get is threats of litigation from the CPC.

Alberta Conservative politicians are more hateful – and successful – than American Republicans, and yet they still whine 24/7 about how nobody outside of Alberta likes them.

Well, tough nuts, Alberta Conservative politicians – suck it up because you suck. You couldn’t win legitimately, so you created a dirty tricks operation called the Conservative Party of Canada and cheated your way into power.

We don’t like you because we think you’re traitors, not just to Canada, but to all of humanity.

And you ruined our economy AND our environment.

Clear enough for ya?

The thugs in the NRA, the racists in the Tea Party, the self-loathing Church Ladies and Charles McVety – they like you, they’re your people.

And if more Canadians paid any attention to the news, and if the Canadian media wasn’t a bunch of corporate lickspittles (remember when the Globe and Mail editorial board endorsed the corrupt incompetent liars for re-election?!) maybe the one or two Alberta Conservative politicians who aren’t corrupt incompetent liars could regroup and form a new New Conservative Party of Canada.

I mean, geez louise, enough already with the bullshit hand-wringing about true things said by OTHER politicians, please, media and backroom politicos and every other pearl clutcher out there in Canada.

Alberta Conservative politicians don’t belong in Ottawa because they don’t give a rat’s ass about Canada OR the rest of the effin’ world. They’re not just sore losers, whining for years on end about being shut out of Ottawa, but they’re sore winners, too, whining in public office about everybody and everything Canadian.

Stephen Harper is a sulky adolescent still getting even with daddy or mommy or whatever the hell is his reason for wanting to destroy Canada. Jason Kenney is odious, as is any bedfellow of the odious Charles McVety. John Baird is, well, point taken, Alberta Conservatives, he’s from Ontario.

No wonder they’re all single. (Yes, I know, Stephen/Laureen. Bullshit.)

And yes, if it makes you feel any better, having experienced John Baird, Tony Clement (thief-at-large) and Jim Flaherty (bullshit central deficit racker upper) for the great wrecking ball that was the Mike Harris government of Ontario, we think they’re almost as bad as you, Alberta Conservatives.

But yes, none of you are as reprehensible, as egregious, as skin crawly as Vic Toews of Manitoba.

You’re welcome.


  1. You are hotter than a pistol .. !

    I hope you don’t get a surprise visit from the RCMP

    If you do, I hope they’s got their assbestos underwear on
    fer when you send em packin.. back to their mommies or Mr Toews

    I figure if you showed up in Albertawa or Ottawalberta
    and the sergeant at arms did whatever you told him needed to be done

    Democracy would make a fine comeback,
    and the lipstick pigs would be headed for the hills.. or the tar sands

    Damn that was a fine broadside… raking fire.. !!

  2. Hah! The RCMP would have to take time out from sorting through sexual harassment complaints against its own officers. Really, it would be cheaper just to say “no women RCMP officers allowed”.

    Thanks for the feedback! Rants are fun to write…

  3. I am so furious at Justin Trudeau for apologizing, to low life scum Harper and his henchmen.

    Harper ranting raving henchmen called Canadians, terrorists, “with” pornographers and the Taliban. Harper his own little self said, the NDP favored the Nazi’s. The vile things Harper said, of Ignatieff’s family. And, Justin apologizes to that s.o.b. Why?

    McGuinty should have kicked the Tory’s in the @$$, to hurry them on their way, back to Alberta.

    Apologize to a Traitor, selling this country out to Red China? Giving China all of the resource jobs? Permitting all company’s to hire that cheap labor? They are paid, $17.00 per hour less than Canadian resource workers.

    Any province not wanting to be given to Red China, should get the hell out of, Harper’s CommieCon’s sell out of Canada.

  4. I wish these fucks would quit apologizing for every perceived slight that the Harpercon war room digs up. Trudeau should have doubled down on his comments and told the Albertans to suck the big one. In for a dime, in for a dollar, I say. Today the story is all about the apology, not what was said. So just exactly how did apologizing help? Besides, when was the last time a Tory ever apologized for anything? Worse than that, no one even expects them to. Fuckers.

  5. Yeah. I wrote a new entry to vent that sentiment.