New Math Meets Alberta Conservatives

Social math is a term I just made up. It involves combining how young people appear to be behaving with numbers and probability to determine a certain outcome.

For instance, by using my social math skills, I have deduced that the proportion of children who will grow up to be gay adults living as gay adults will steadily increase even as the overall birthrate declines.

The overall birthrate will decline because today’s children have such high self esteem that they won’t feel the need to do better than themselves by having children.

Also, children are over. They peaked with the grandchildren of baby boomers, the success of the internet as a happening social scene, and the impending extinction of all the large mammals – with the exception of beef.

Baby boomers have no interest in becoming great grandparents. That is simply one generation too far removed from their sphere of influence and so it won’t happen.

And when I met my former employer’s secretary from China, here to meet her Canadian counterpart (I was so not in her league in terms of the work she was paid much less to do for said employer in China and the work I was paid much more to do for him here) I asked her about her family plans.

(I know, so rude, eh?)

She said, “We don’t want children. It’s better to be childless in China.”

This made me think that maybe for the Chinese in China, where the reality of too many people competing to live on a limited land mass is a daily experience, procreation is totally yesterday and childlessness the new black.

Social math, China-style.

Besides, look around you, television and movies have clearly had an impact on today’s North American youth – it’s just cooler to hang out than it is to pair off.

Couples = boring. Couples with kids = boring multiplied by however many kids they have before they break up and become even more boring by dividing their suburban living quarters in half.

Meanwhile, same sex marriages can only increase, with the added benefit of most couples having just the odd child here and there through various planned couplings either natural or via technological innovation – including baby-making kits purchased online.

Is there anything Al Gore’s internet can’t do?

And while the bible doesn’t specifically predict that the number of gay adults living as gay adults will steadily increase, there has certainly been enough obsessive quoting by Christian zealots of passages supposedly referencing homosexuality, that one could say that indeed, it is all part of God’s plan that they will.

Not that I believe in God, because, of course, I don’t. Like Blanche Dubois, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. Or anybody, really. People have always come through for me in one way or another.

Praise be to people, all people, gay, straight, female, male, black, white.

All people except Alberta Conservatives.

Damnation be to Alberta Conservatives.

That’s just math math.

(And when I say “Alberta Conservatives” I’m describing a type of person who can live anywhere but who is represented by the likes of Stephen Harper and Jason Kenney, who are elected by Calgarians.)

The reason I say “Damnation be to Alberta Conservatives” is because “they play politics with people’s lives”. That’s a quote by Olivia Chow and it is really all we need to know about Alberta Conservatives – “they play politics with people’s lives”.

“But Sooey”, you say, “Why single out Alberta Conservatives for damnation?”

Well, as Feminists once put it, “Why not?”

Look, when we do the math math of Alberta Conservatives having access to the federal treasury, it adds up to billions of dollars of misspent revenue, money gone and Canadian taxpayers left with nothing to show for it. But when we do the social math of Alberta Conservatives having access to federal law-making authority, it adds up to many people, not just Canadians, having their lives destroyed.

It leads to physical and mental health breakdowns, beatings, suicides, firings, poisonings, imprisonment, torture, and murder.

I could go on, but you get the equation. And if you don’t, read a newspaper or watch the evening news, or just go outside.

So what I want to know is this: What kind of math are other Conservatives doing that they still send money in support of the political organization created by Alberta Conservatives to cheat their way into federal power?

It’s not a rhetorical question, I’m genuinely curious as to why any thinking being would send money at this point to the Conservative Party of Canada.


  1. There’s no accounting for the mindset of the 24%. They just don’t think like normal people. BTW, I think this country is fucked.

  2. That was a fearless series of leaps .. to land on the shite smattered reputation of the Harper Conservative Cabal. Its a good question you ask. And I wonder why any thinking being could support or trust these public serpents.

    All sorts of questions ring through the blogsphere, mainly about how to get rid of the pestilence enshrining itself in Albertawa.. and how soon that can be accomplished.. My current big question which I suppose only Stephen Harper can answer is – Will he order Canadian Forces into the boreal, the mountains, the rainforest and the west coast to attack or somehow remove First Nations defending their lands, their treaties.. and any Canadians willing to stand with them against ecocide, runaway government and a political party apparatus that clearly is not acting on the wishes of the people of Canada.. or their interests.

    Mr Harper declared a majority of Canadians approve the CNOOC takeover of Nexen, yet cannot identify the benefits to Canada. Next he will declare similar approval for the FIPA Chinese trade deal he secretly signed in Vladivstok, Russia. The benefits to Canada ? Unknown. He must claim a majority of Canadians approve of Ecocide .. or as is more likely, simply not care. Wait till you see how his omnibus bills are designed to ensure the environment and any law or regulation protecting it.. cannot inhibit fracking and all of its related delivery systems. Delivery systems to get the fresh water to drill sites and to take away natural gas or oil. Yes .. more and more and more pipelines.

    Yes.. you nailed it re the Alberta Conservatives .. they got hold of the federal treasury and they are making up ‘law’ as they go. They play politics with all of our lives .. The Harper Party will likely jam two or three more omnibus bills through parliament before the next ‘scheduled’ election. Will we see another prorogue as well?

  3. Canada is fucked as a country, yes. Our future will be as a natural resource mine for China. Wonder what will happen when Alberta has been mined dry and China is hooked on oil.

    Stephen Harper is a shameless liar, and a thug, too. I don’t get it, why Canadians want him around.

  4. Its simple math, the money that matters pays a little to benefit greatly from the con game of making up the laws as they go along. Playing politics with people’s lives is just the distraction that allows them to continue.

  5. It just occurred to me that you should contact Rick Mercer and offer your services to write his weekly rants for his television show. You can send him some of your work from your blogs as examples. Your blogs have the same melody and cadence as his rants. Srsly.

  6. Thanks, Mon!

    (If it turns out someone else invented “social math” I forgive them, but I should still get credit because I didn’t know about it until I invented it.)