Ah, Ennui, We Meet Again
Okay. Well. I just went for a long walk with my Beau and Bernie, our hound. It’s his special day, my Beau’s, (every day is Bernie’s special day and I don’t know why I’m not learning something from that but there you go, or rather, there but for grace go I) and unfairly for him, I’m crabbier’n a pioneer doll.
Yesterday, I felt good, too. Or, at least, full of intention. As my Beau pointed out, though, it was sunny yesterday, and today it’s grey.
And while winter in Ottawa may be mood challenging, it sure ain’t no Haiti, so here’s to feeling guilty that I feel bad, too.
Blogging about politics has become tedious. There are others who do it better. And as much as I gripe about the media (particularly in my last entry) everything I know to be true I know because of it.
In media I trust.
And I don’t believe in conspiracy theories.
While we were out walking, I remembered that the Liberal government, both the elected House and the appointed Senate, didn’t enact policies that would have directly benefited me and my ex financially. We were pissed off, but we didn’t feel targeted.
But there were Canadians who did feel targeted by whatever policies the Liberal government did or didn’t enact, weren’t there. A lot of them live in Alberta, but a lot of them don’t. Heck, I worked for a man just recently who delivered daily lectures to anybody who would engage about how the Liberals have ruined this country.
He lays all the blame (because, of course, nothing is good about Canada) at the feet of Trudeau. And he’s educated (and well read), too, and making more money that I ever have.
I feel targeted by this government. But is it reasonable for me to feel like I’m being targeted?
No. It isn’t. Other than being laid off, which many people in Ottawa have been (and were when the Liberals formed the government, too) nothing this government has done or not done targets me or how I live my life. Not directly, anyway.
Abortion will always be contentious, and maybe it should be. But I’ve got more kids than Stephen Harper, who doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who’s particularly fixated on whether I should have to have more or not. In fact, he strikes me as quite the opposite kind of person, now that I really stop and think about it.
I don’t believe he cares one way or the other about other people’s kids and whether they have more of them.
Same sex marriage will stop being contentious because it’s ridiculous that it is. The argument that marriage is anything other than a social construct is absurd. But I don’t care if people want to keep arguing the absurd because I don’t care about marriage. I’ve been married. It didn’t work for me. Maybe it’s working for Stephen Harper, but I doubt it. He doesn’t look or act like a happily married person. And I don’t believe he cares whether other people are happily or unhappily married or not, either.
All this to say that I’ve reached political social media overload. I’m only grateful that I finally figured it out.
It’s not Stephen Harper, it’s me. Stephen Harper has found his way to make money in this world, I’ve got to find mine.
I’ll never make money blogging. I believe at one time I thought I’d somehow get a column, I’d be spotted by those talent scouts who prowl the internet looking for opinionated writers to hire.
Sad, I know. Except it happened to me once. Scott Feschuk spotted me posting funny comments on the old Frank magazine forum, asked me to send him an email, and I ended up working for him to produce Post Mortem once a week for the National Post.
But that was my lucky break and it came and went and it’s not going to happen again. I have to take the energy I’ve been putting into this blog, and put it into a different kind of writing, the kind that doesn’t go stale because it’s a new political show everybody’s watching and all your material covers the old one.
Social media. It’s a conundrum, isn’t it, because it’s too social, too media, and if you’re into both, like I am, it’s hard to turn it off, and it can become overwhelming.
I’m overwhelmed. And I think Stephen Harper, who after all has to live here, too, is just a dorkasaurus rex who heads up a party of weaselly ratfuckers and que sera sera, whatever will be will be, and I don’t know why I thought it was ever going to get me anywhere to go on and on and on about it.
It just gets me down. Politics is a downer.
So there you have it. I even feel bad for my Sooey Say reader(s) who have may or may not have felt obliged to read what was the blogging equivalent of shaking a balled up fist at the sky.
I’m going back to reading the newspaper, watching The National, the Agenda, the professionals, as it were (ironic since the entry before this one decries the professionals, but like I say, I’m in a bad mood today, yesterday was different) and keeping my powder dry.
Blogging is a great release, but the gratification is instant, and it’s too easy to imagine you’ve got an audience, Sooey Says reader(s). My story a day resolution begins anew tomorrow, blogging will have to fit around that, and in order to keep my mood up, I’m going to leave off the Stephen Harper show.
Somebody wants this government or we wouldn’t have it, and blogging about it isn’t going to make a whit of difference except to take up the time and energy I should put to better use.