I just read a column by Michael Harris (iPolitics) bringing readers up to date on the latest image control manoeuvres by the PMO (Stephen Harper is on Twitter now, doncha no) to make Stephen Harper look, well, what is the PMO trying to make Stephen Harper look like?

Because that’s just it, isn’t it. Where the relentlessly insightful Michael Harris worries that Stephen Harper will manage to re-invent himself on Twitter, I have to disagree.

Or agree.

The point is, it doesn’t matter whether Stephen Harper re-invents himself on Twitter.

Tony Clement tweets like a sixteen year old boy (or girl, depending) all day long, all night long, and it’s not even his staff, it’s him, and does anybody who has any awareness of Tony Clement still not view him as President in charge of looting and pillaging the federal Treasury on behalf of the Conservative dirtbags of Muskoka.

Because that’s also just it, isn’t it. You can’t possibly be conscious and still have any respect for the Conservative voters of Canada. You can’t.

I have seen the enemy and the enemy is they (them?).

No wait, us.

After all, it’s not like we shouldn’t have been prepared for Clement, Baird and Flaherty to hook up with a bigger gravy train when it came along – us non-Conservative voters, I mean.

Lest we forget, they won with less than 40% of less than 60% of the support of eligible voters plus either a lot or a little of fraud.

And not even very competent fraud. I mean, not only did they cheat and get caught, but they didn’t even have to cheat to win in the first place, not with 99% of Canadian newspaper editorial boards endorsing them for re-election.

(And who the hell reads anything by a Canadian newspaper editorial board who isn’t already a Conservative voter anyway.)

But back to Stephen Harper on Twitter. Now, Stephen Harper has two assets. He used to have three but if you still believe Laureen is his wife and not his beard or he’s her beard or John Baird is beard for both of them, well, I have some nice property downstream from the tar sands for sale.

I don’t actually, or I’d be suing Stephen Harper, but you get my point, I’m sure.

Stephen Harper’s two assets are 1) his non-supporters believe him to be a far right ideologue dedicated to the destruction of a Canada both real and imagined, and 2) his supporters believe him to be a creator of wealth (in spite of all evidence to the contrary, but whatever, there’s no explaining lots of things).

Now, I’m a non-supporter of Stephen Harper, probably as non-supporting as one can be, but the longer he’s Prime Minister, the less inclined I am to view him as an ideologue and the more inclined I am to view him as a flibbertigibbet.

The official online definition for flibbertigibbet, if you’re curious, is: A silly, scatterbrained, or garrulous person, an irresponsible, silly, or gossipy person, a person who lacks good judgment.

I define a flibbertigibbet as someone who tries to reinvent himself on Twitter.

The final “that’s just it” for this entry is, you don’t go on Twitter to reinvent yourself, you go on Twitter because it’s there and you’re your own biggest fan and think everybody else should be your biggest fan, too, and you’ve smoked a bit of pot, and why not spend an hour composing 127 character (for re-tweeting – that tip came to me from Antonia Zerbisias) *one-liners to shout into cyber space (*credit to Neil McDonald).

I know that because I’m on Twitter.

And I don’t know who’s in charge of this latest image project, but I just want Stephen Harper to know I’m here, I’m not queer, but I am unemployed and have no trouble putting my partisanship aside for a paying gig.

Because tweets about having breakfast with your cat and taking a limousine to work do not a makeover make, not for you. That’s how both your supporters and non-supporters already see you.

And all that pop and fruit salad lunch tweet did was explain the squished up look on your face in the House when you’re being asked about your government’s corruption and/or incompetence.

A grown man having fruit and pop for lunch is not going to inspire confidence in his ability to feed himself, let alone represent an entire country.

Food matters. Pay attention. You are what you eat. If I had fruit and pop for lunch I guarantee you I’d have made a lot of bad decisions by dinner.

Seriously, dude, it’s Twitter – go big or go home but keep your kinky food groupings out of it or people will start thinking PeeWee Herman passed the RCMP security check and is tweeting from the PMO.

Better yet, hire me. I’ll make not only make you over, I’ll turn you into your own biggest fan, too.

No extra charge.



  1. Those who write on Twitter’s walls, roll their shit in tiny balls.
    Those who read those words of (t)wit, often eat those balls of shit.

  2. Why that’s lovely. Thank you, Ou8