Mother Love
I've been reading a few mommy blogs lately and aside from the fact that they all pretty much say the same thing - that being a mommy changes everything - (oh - and while professional mommy bloggers flog the latest consumer goods, amateur mommy bloggers flog sally anns and cheap easy recipes) they all also share a startling tendency to claim bragging rights for self sacrificing heroism.
Well I'm a mother and I can honestly say that, while being a mother changes a few things - I lie more than I ever thought possible, to give just one example - having children was quite a selfish decision. I wanted them, so I had them. And let's be clear - I wanted to have them. No adoption for me - I wanted to spawn my own set of genes and raise 'em right. Ridiculous in retrospect since as soon as each child was born it was quite clear even to me that s/he was his own person, unique, separate, given up to the everexpanding sea of humanity, an ego entirely beyond my control. And when it came to raising them, they turned out to be the self-raising kind - as I figure most kids are these days.
That's why I know having children isn't selfless. And because I'm honest (in the adult world, at least), I'm saying it out loud. How this ridiculous crock of selfless motherhood was born is a testimony to the power of mother lying, I suppose. Having children is selfish. Whether you're doing it to bring forth extra helping hands for the farm or to dress up a mommy/daddy clone in designer baby outfits. I mean, we all know there are plenty of kids - even babies - to adopt or foster in this world. Plenty of kids going begging. Literally. Although in this country, at least, we've worked parenthood up into such a fine art that I'd have had to lie my ass off just to get a preliminary interview - or fill out the application to get a preliminary interview - to adopt a child. And unless you're a professional couple making really good money, adopting babies from other countries is way too expensive a proposition. So, since I wanted babies, I had to have them myself.
A hero? Hardly. Self-sacrificing? Give me a break. So, why is it childless women are the ones considered selfish? The women who keep the economy humming, who look after sick friends, who don't bore the rest of us with their stories of selfless motherhood and that tired bullshit line that becoming a mother changed everything. Good grief. Even 9/11 didn't change everything. In fact, with each passing day it would appear it changed nothing at all. Sure, once you're a mother, there's no going back. But I know for a fact that the women who choose not be become mothers put a lot more thought into that decision than the women who do choose to become mothers. And I think I'm on pretty safe ground when I argue that the women who choose the latter do it for purely selfish reasons. They want babies - so they have them.
