I Need a Drink
I have too much stuff. And I'm not even a pack rat. I just keep too much of what should be dumped. It wouldn't be a problem, except it weighs on my mind. AND the stuff I have prevents me from buying new stuff - stuff I need. Even a blind straight decorator could tell me, "Your stuff isn't working for you." If there even is such a thing as a straight decorator...
So I need to do a purge, but I'm reluctant to do one because I don't yet have what I need to replace the purged stuff. Oh - and I'm pathologically frugal. I hoard money. It's terrible. I actually have the money to go out and furnish my entire apartment to perfection, but I just can't allow myself to do it. I'd rather have a stash of money just in case I wake up one morning and decide I'm never going to work again. (And why I think that is even a remote possibility, I have no idea. Even when I temped after university I worked constantly, having to force myself to block off one week of holidays in the summer and one week of holidays at Christmas. And even then, I wasn't actually going anywhere I'd need money. I was heading home to visit my mother in the Sault. Staying in her house, eating her food, even "borrowing" money to head down to the bar a couple of times during the visit.)
So, I will probably always work in some way or another. Why do I think I need to hoard for a day when I don't have this ridiculous work ethic that is so clearly bred in the bone that I'd have to have a brain damaging stroke to think differently. ...Gawd... Funny, but up until I typed that last sentence, a brain damaging stroke was my worst nightmare...
In any case, I work because I work, I hoard because...? It wouldn't be so crazy if stuff THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME wasn't preventing me from taking up a rewarding hobby - like painting, or writing, or even triathaloning.
But it is. Because everytime I think about taking up one of the above rewarding hobbies, the burdensome thought of all my stupid stuff crowds out any initiative I might have to actually pick up a paintbrush. And then the realization that I need to spend some money to get the stuff that I really need - so I can purge the stuff I don't - completely overwhelms my initiative and I think instead, "Maybe I'll just have a drink."
It's true. My stuff is causing me to drink. I bet you've never heard THAT one before - but it's true. My stuff is causing me to drink.
