Kramer Mutilates Lenny Bruce Corpse!
Okay. I'm going to start this bit off by getting a few words out of my system.
Let's see... "Poopoohead. Penisbreath. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger."
Ah. There. Hey - and don't worry if you're a Poopoohead. I'm not a REAL rascist. I'm just a blogger.
Now on to my main point:
MAIN POINT: Who the hell goes to a Michael Richards show?
I mean, isn't that a lot like going to a Germaine Jackson concert? Or founding a George Takai fan club? Or doing a thesis on Edwin Holgate? Or EVEN - no kidding - being a Joe Volpe delegate?
Really. Who are these people who would fork over hard-earned downtrodden black people money - or even just regular people money - to attend a Michael Richards show? And not to be too harsh - but, quite frankly - I think they deserved what they got. If the first rule of performance is "Know Thine Audience" (and I have no idea if that is, in fact, the first rule of performance - you'd think "Have an Act" would be the first rule of performance, now that I really stop and think about it - not that Michael Richards bothered to, I guess) - shouldn't the first rule of performance attendance be: "Know Thy Performer"?
Because, to be fair to Michael Richards, it's not like he's known for his stand-up routine. I had no idea he did stand-up. Cripes, apparently HE had no idea he did stand-up. Or he probably would have been a little more prepared for hecklers. There was even a whole Seinfeld episode about hecklers. Two, actually. There was the one episode with Kathy Griffin (who has her own website: Seinfeld Heckler) and another episode with Elaine's obnoxious co-worker whom Sienfeld decides to turn the tables on by going down to her workplace to heckle HER at work.
What - Michael Richards doesn't watch Seinfeld? Cripes, he was dating the heckler in that episode. He should have known, at the very least, how to handle a real life one - one that he wasn't even dating. Thanks to Jerry Seinfeld - we all know how to handle a heckler now. You find out where he works and show up the next day to heckle him until he cries. Tit for tat. You DON'T shout "Nigger!" at him - especially if he's a BLACK heckler. No. No. No. That is in the "What NOT To Do!" column. There is NO Seinfeld episode where Jerry Seinfeld shouts "Nigger!" at a heckler.
Heck - can you imagine a Seinfeld episode with Jerry Seinfeld (who doesn't even swear in his act, ferchrissakes, which is why his start was opening for our very own probably by now "Snowbird" - Anne Murray) shouting "Nigger!" over and over and over at... ... ... hm... wait a minute... Were there any black people on Seinfeld? Oh yeah - the guy who worked at the Yankees with George who didn't get to sign the Big Birthday Card for Mr. Steinbrenner's birthday.
Wow. That show was on television for what - 11 seasons? Is he really the only black actor to have appeared on Seinfeld? Or am I forgetting a whole bunch of black actors who appeared on all sorts of Seinfeld episodes? I guess it was filmed in New York... Maybe there aren't many black people in New York. I dunno. I've never been to New York. Gee. I could have sworn there were whole huge black neighbourhoods in New York. I know they've had Republican law and order Mayors for the past couple of decades. Guys who got in on a promise to "Clean Up the Streets". Wow. You don't think... Gosh... That one Mayor was Italian, too - and Gawd knows, those Mafia Guys, or Dons, or whatever he calls himself - can be pretty rascist. Ooh. And the other one was Jewish, I guess. And we all know how Jewish Mayors feel about Black People. Right? Right? Am I right?
But, back to Jerry Seinfeld. I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but: "What did Jerry Seinfeld do with all the black actors in New York city?!" "Where the fuck are they?!" "Did they ALL fall down a well or something, Jerry Seinfeld?!"
Geez Louise. And Jerry Seinfeld's the go-to-guy apologizing for Michael Richards in this whole Black-u-drama?! Holy Aunt Jemima, Blackman! But what to call this imbroglio (Er, not to offend any Brogs, by the way)? Kramergate? Seinfeldgate? Gibsongate Part II? (Oh. And, by the way, Niggergate is out of the question. So, don't even go there, sister. STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Sooey's is NOT a rascist site - it is just a bloggers' site.)
Heheh - although it's funny, now I think of it, I guess if shouting "Fire!" in a crowded theatre doesn't get the audience moving towards the exits, shouting "Nigger!" sure will. And we've got Michael Richards to thank for that bit of insight into what will get an audience moving.
Even the type of audience that goes to see a Michael Richards show.
I dunno. I wonder if anybody thought to ask for their money back: "Michael Richards? What was I thinking? I must have been on crack when I bought those tickets..."
Okay. I'll stop now. Back to the REAL Hollywood damage control brigade.
