Black Like Me
Every once in a while I catch the Michael Coren show on Vision TV. Last night's show was a regular panel discussion about current events. Carolyn Parrish is one of the panelists. She's the former Liberal MP who called the Americans "bastards" - which I thought was pretty funny, but which Paul Martin, PM at the time, didn't so much. I dunno. To be fair, Jean Chretien, PM at another time, wasn't so keen on Francie Ducros calling their President a "moron", either.
Gawd. Liberals, eh? No fucking sense of humour when the rest of the world most appreciates it.
There is another regular panelist, a consultantish thingimidoodle, but I don't know his name. And I never agree with him, anyway, so I'm not even going to google it. The other panelist is usually David Menzies, some mentalcase with a website who makes Michael Coren seem sane. And, of course, Michael Coren - who, as I say, is usually less Michael Corenish around David Menzies, but last night David Menzies wasn't there and a fellow named John Moore of CFRB was in his place, so - Michael Coren was even MORE Michael Corenish than really is reasonable, I think, and I was forced to lament the absence of David Menzies. Even though I think he is a complete mentalcase.
The first order of business was Saddam Hussein's execution. I forget what *they* said but *I* think it was pretty much the most irrelevant axis in the War on Terror - one which will prove down the road to have been the HUGEST MISTAKE EVER!!! to have been made by The Great Satan in the History of whatever World Order we are in now. XVIII? I mean, the fact that everyone who is anyone in "Executions R Us" circles is surprised that it was captured on a cellphone camera and splattered all over the internet - after every teacher having a meltdown in every gradeschool classroom everywhere has been caught on tape having it - tells us pretty much all we need to know about the efficiency of THAT operation. Cripes, I'm just waiting for the "Why did i click on that link?!" lawsuits to start pouring in. I hope Iraq's justice system is prepared for North American emotional pain and suffering and the consequent monetary demands our delicate sensibilities inevitably engender.
Next up was Canada's Best Biathaloner-at-large, Miriam Bedard. Again, I can't remember what the panel said, but *I* think she won those Olympic medals fair and square and everyone should get off her back and quit asking her to clear up all our political scandals for us. Besides, *I* have known and have been saying that VIA RAIL has been trying to kill us all for years and no one comes around banging on my door asking for proof. I still can't believe I paid for that bagel. It was completely fossilized. I have yet to digest it. And that was 5 years ago.
Eventually, the show progressed to the death of James Brown and the opinion put forth by Michael Coren that Black Americans are wrong (and bad, very bad) to consider him a cultural icon. I mean, he was really put off by the whole outpouring of whatever it was that has been outpouring over the death of James Brown. NOT that he would in any way, I am sure, be less put off by the outpouring of grief over that Liberal bastard Trudeau's death. No sirree, Bob. Or that adultressy retard Lady Diana's death, for that matter. You know, the one that paralyzed Britain's Stiff Upper Lip Class to the point where you'd almost have thought it was Iran grieving another dead mean old nasty Ayatollah and not England wailing over a dead Princess who had taken to driving around with Muslim playboys.
My, my. How soon Whitey forgets his own death follies, eh - wot?
But all of this got me to thinking about who we honour in death and who we *should* honour in death. Wouldn't it be great if instead of going along with whomsoever the Establishment thinks we should honour, we honoured all the wrong dead? I mean, the panel was all-white, and while there was a certain glaring irony in this all-white panel discussing with some degree of paternalistic distaste the fact that Black Americans were deifying a dead soul singer known almost as much for his drug, gun, and assault arrests as for his musical talent - I have to admit, I really only know James Brown for his hairdo and dance moves mockworth.
That's when it hit me. What does the world need now? No. Not love, sweet love. Love is over-rated. Look at where it got Jesus. (And speaking of Jesus, is it just me? Or was anyone else reminded of the Crucifixion scene in The Passion of The Christ during the Taunting Scene at the Execution of Saddam Hussein?) What the world needs now is humour. And everytime a person of mockworth dies, a little humour goes with him/her. *I* think - to give mockworth its due - we should honour those who have provided us with the kind of parody material that James Brown did over his lifetime.
Black Americans have it right. Even if they don't know it and are honouring James Brown for all the wrong white reasons.
Hey - speaking of having it right/wrong/white - I was watching TV the other day and I noticed Henry Kissinger droning on and on as is his way (although, I thought he was dead already and Dick Cheney had taken over his soul). For some reason, I assumed he was talking about Saddam Hussein and I was tut-tutting and shaking my noggin in disapproval at the temerity of the evil bastard honouring the wrong dead as if he was Michael Coren's Black America. Then the camera panned around the audience and there was Moron Junior pretending to be listening while he recited gibberish in his head and I realized the crowd was awfully Establishment looking and there were American flags waving everywhere.
That's when I realized it was Gerald Ford's funeral. Too funny. But, of course, he was being eulogized for all the wrong reasons. No one even mentioned Chevy Chase on Saturday Night Live. And see? That's what I mean. A total boycott of Establishment funerals is in order and I think we should take our cue from the way Black America insists in honouring James Brown. I know this would piss off the Establishment because the consultantish thingimidoodle on the Michael Coren show went straight off from agreeing with Michael Coren that Black America sucks at honouring the right dead to whining about some poll he claimed to have read which stated that Black Americans rank their coming funeral honouring icons, thusly: #1. Jesse Jackson. #2. Al Sharpton. #3. Michael Jackson.
Yeah, baby. Beauty, eh? I mean, that really thumbs the old nose at Whitey's Way. So yeah, I'm all Black Like Me for 2007 and I think you should be, too.
Except I'd put Don King #1 on the list because of his hair. Mike Tyson #2 because of the ear biting incident. And Whitney Houston #3 because of Bobby Brown.
It'll take me a while to figure out who the REAL white icons we should be honouring in death are on account of there are so many more of them to choose from. So I'll have to get back to you later in the year on that in hopes that nobody truly deserving kicks before then.
Is PeeWee Herman in good health?
