Crack Me Up
Okay. Here's a question: How does a government "crack down on crime"? By committing less crime? I mean, if the New Conservative Government of Canada wants to be taken seriously - why does it insist on repeatedly saying incredibly stupid things?
And since when is the Environment portfolio "crucial"? Since the polar ice started melting? I mean, c'mon. This government doesn't even believe its own scientists on the environment. Who is it trying to kid? Us? Or itself? And I'm trying to be fair, here. This is a government, afterall, that banned a book reading by one of its own scientists because the book - a novel - is about the effect of a fictional climate change on a fictional society some 50 years in the fic... er... future.
Wow. Talk about 1984 all over again. And something tells me nobody actually read the book before banning the reading, either. I could be wrong. But you know I'm right. Nobody read that book. I bought that book - at a later book reading - and even I haven't read it. I'll probably never read it. I mean, c'mon - it's a novel about the effect of climate change on society some 50 years in the future. Hello? Weathernerd? I'm trying to figure out "weather" or not to bother buying my oldest kid a winter coat for THIS year. I don't have time to worry about what she's gonna need to look/stay cool in for January 2057.
But I was thinking about political catch phrases and the like after reading yet another "quaking in his boots about the Islamic menace" (and they must be warped up to size 20 by now) piece by New Hampshire's own, Mark Steyn, and he wants "Resolution" to be the word of 2007. Well, "how soon we forget", I thought. "Resolve" was the main word of Bush the Junior's post 9/11 resurgence to Biped status. "Resolve" and "Evil". "Resolvevil". He had "resolve", the American people had "resolve". It's just that no one had an "exit strategy". "Resolution"? In your dreams, Steyn. Unless you're talking about the kind that provides a clearer picture of an execution taken by a cellphone camera. Then, maybe.
So, yeah. "Crack down on crime". There's going to be a New Conservative Government of Canada "crack down on crime". I heard about it all day today. This is NOT to be confused with the New Conservative Government of Canada's "so yesterday" promise to "get tough on crime". That, the New Conservative Government of Canada, has already done. NOT that it's anywhere near finished doing it NOW - thanks to young people. Oh, no. "Trunking" is the latest scourge scourging the land. Perhaps you saw it being re-enacted on the news about a billion times this week. If so - you'd better prepare for a dearth of "trunking" visuals. Because there's going to be a new law to get tough on it. Nevermind the existing seatbelt law. There aren't seatbelts in trunks. What I'm betting we're going to get in the New Conservative Government of Canada's "resolve" to "crack down, er, get tough on crime" before it finally gets to move on to "cracking down on it" is a "Trunking" law. And if there's a gun involved in the committing of the "Trunking" offence, an automatic "Now YOU have to prove you're not guilty of trunking" addendum to the original "Trunking" charge.
Three times and you'll be tied to two trunks. Then one will take off in one direction and one will take off in the other.
Yessirree, Bob. Remember that one? The "YOU have to prove you're not guilty" law? You know, when the New Conservative Government upended the entire Justice System to: "Get tough on crime"? for some reason comprehensible only to our former idiot Justice Minister, Vic Toews, now our idiot Some Other Portfolio Minister?
Luckily for all Canadians, I must say, though, is that the Environment portfolio is now "crucial". It was said several times today: "crucial". Not just "important". Or "strategic". Or "there". But "crucial". And not just to scientists and fiction writers - but to Stephen Harper and his children and his grandchildren.
Hey... wait a minute... Stephen Harper doesn't have grandchildren.... I smell a rat, here. No. Not John Baird, exactly. More like... yes. John Baird exactly. Because John Baird is a Mike Harris "Little Shit" (TM) resurrected from the Opposition benches where his disgusting Commonsense Revolution Party of public troughers had been kicked by the Ontario public after some eight years of looting and pillaging by a bunch of unprincipled thugs - to a mindbogglingly successful run for the New Conservative Government of Canada.
Get tough on crime? How about a collective swat to the idiot voters of Nepean or whatever the hell Ottawa riding elected John Baird? That'd be a great start. Because now he's in charge of the "crucial" Environment portfolio.
Hey - and maybe we could invoke that "Three strikes" law, too, and have them drawn and quartered on CBC at Six.
