Stop Global Warming - Eat the Rich
Just in case anybody has missed it, I believe in the science of Global Warming, but I do not support Kyoto or Carbon Emissions Trading.
I'm sorry, But since the people pushing Carbon Emissions Trading are the same people who have carbon footprints bigger'n Michael Moore's ass - they can eat my dust. And since those same people are all over in China and India super-sizing their carbon footprints, they can pay me for my dust after they've eaten it, too.
Thanks for the lecture, Carbon-Boy, but I ain't buyin'.
Besides, no offence to my plus-size readers, but - if Al Gore gets any bigger, he's gonna need to super-size his jet and hold his lectures in Greenland - the only place big enough for him AND his ego.
I know, I know - but why pick on Al Gore, Sooey?
Oh, why the hell not. Those carbon emission traders are pretty stupid, anyway, if you ask me. You want Kyoto passed in the United States? Point out the lucre to be made in the carbon emissions trading scam and you'll have Bush the Junior signed on in no time.
But none of the above endears the Global Warming octopii to me, either. Gawd. Are there stupider people alive anywhere in the world, do you think? Last night, for some reason or other - oh yeah, I was trying to conserve energy - my energy - by not turning off the TV as I normally would and it must have been some time after The Simpsons' or The Family Guy because Fox News was on the air.
Well, not Fox News, exactly. Fox Weather, to be more precise. And by news I mean nooze and by weather I mean whether.
O!Mi!Gawd! I had never heard of weather editorializing before, but - O!Mi!Gawd! That weatherman was like a spin guy out of Pravda-Gone-Wild. Did you know, for instance, that snow storms in the middle of April in the southern States are totally normal? Well they are. They happen all the time, in fact. Rain pouring down like bullets in New Mexico? Yup. You guessed it. Perfectly normal. That's why the cactii live there - because of the bullet rain that they can absorb until they explode with happiness. Oh - and even though you may have thought the normal temperature for more northern States is somewhere in the 60s during April, you are O!So!Wrong! because it's somewhere in the 80s. It's true. The weatherman even commented on how beautiful it is in April - just like it has always been - because of the temperatures in the 80s instead of the nasty old 60s that never were - SISTER!
Honestly. He wasn't even pretending to hide the editorializing. He looked right at the camera and pronounced the weather, the 80-degree temperatures, the bullet rains, the power-outting snow storms - as quite normal in April. So normal, in fact, that you'd be a crazy-conspiracy-minded-tin-foil-hatter to think the weather had ever been any different than really bizarre. Which wasn't bizarre at all since bullet rain is refreshing and hot temperatures are calming and snow storms mean Christmas all year 'round.
So, you know, I feel like - once again, as per usual, such is my lot in life - I'm caught in the middle of a big lie. Maybe TWO big lies. It's hard to say. I just know that anything green backed by a bunch of rich guys that excuses the countries where they're making all their money these days from any environmental accounting - is not going to do me any good. They want it because it's going to make them rich. Not me. Them. AND it's not going to do anything to save the environment from being destroyed by rich guys who make their money from Mother Earth - whether it was here, then or is there, now.
BUT, I also know that when the bees are disappearing and there are cherry trees in bloom at the wrong time of the year and Mark Steyn's blog store is closed to shoppers because of severe snow storms in April - that all is not right with the weather.
So, who's with me to do what we all know needs to be done but have been putting off for fear of massive indigestion? That's right.
Eat the rich. There's only one thing for Global Warming and that's it. We've got to eat the rich.
C'mon - who's with me? We'll just sponsor a big money-making-scheme gala somewhere in the middle of nowhere that you need a personal jet to get to and we'll be there waiting with our pots and napkins and have ourselves a big ol' rich feast.
I bet we could buy up all of China and India with their (our) carbon emissions savings.
