Leave Africa Alone
I recently bought an issue of Oprah's magazine. It's called "O, The Oprah Magazine", if you had any doubts as to Ms. Winfrey's great love for branding. I bought it because someone had brought it to our bookclub meeting in June - which was an overnighter at a cottage out in the middle of nowhere.
Let me tell you - pot does wonders for a book discussion. I just don't recommend you discuss "The Corrections". 600 pages is simply too much to keep track of under the influence. Oh - I also don't recommend you smoke pot with your bookclub at a cottage out in the middle of nowhere.
Er, just in case any educators from Wawota, Saskatchewan are reading this entry.
But "The Corrections" was the reason for the "O" magazine being in attendance at the meeting. Because in case you live in a cave (or Wawota, Saskatchewan), Jonathan Franzen, the author of "The Corrections", famously snubbed Oprah by not appearing on her show when summoned, believing as he did that Oprah was just a talk show host. Then he tucked his little writer dick between his legs (as all men - including Dr. Phil - do before appearing on Oprah's show) and did his duty.
I could have told him that would happen.
I just can't imagine what he was thinking to suppose it wouldn't. But I can certainly hear what his publisher must have said to him, "You what?! What are you - an idiot?! You DECLINED an appearance on Oprah?! This is a 600 page book I'm flogging here! Now tuck your little writer dick between your legs and DO YOUR DUTY!"
You know what they say, the longer the book...
The whole thing reminded me a little bit of the two guys who didn't sign Madonna just before someone else did. They do a joke about it now. The one guy says, "We didn't think anybody would know about her outside of New York." And then the other guy cuts in, "Yeah. We meant New York - PLUTO!"
Anyway, I didn't get a chance to read it up at the cottage, but my curiosity was piqued so I bought another copy when I got back to Ottawa. Also, I'm boycotting Vanity Fair until this whole Africa craze is over and I like to have a topical magazine with a bit/lot of fashion ads to flip through when I'm in the mood for something lite.
Gawd. Talk about inspirational. Enough already. With all that spiritual growth and personal empowerment (as described in poorly written, banal articles that are mercifully short) you'd think America wouldn't be, well, kind of the armpit that it is.
Eh?
Or am I missing something? Like a totally different America than the all consuming one that is perched right next to us ready to snag a big bite out of our ass the very second we turn our back forgetting we can't trust them not to.
But worse than all the inspiration, was the fact that there WAS a piece on Africa in the issue, with lots of pieces on Africa buried within the banal inspirational pieces.
Africa, Africa, Africa. Now, is it me? Or is there something so supremely cynical and beyond jaded that big glossy American magazines dependent on fashion and beauty ads for revenue think THEY should speak to "The Africa Problem". I mean, really. At what point will Americans take a step back from trying to solve the problems of the world - problems they have had a BIG hand in causing - and take a good look inward to realize that they do NOT have the answers.
What is it about Us (Us = U.S. + us) that makes Us think we have solutions to offer up to Africans? Seriously. The United States, for instance, has the third world living right within its borders. We saw that when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. We see it on death row in all those Texas prisons. We saw it just the other day with a Presidential pardon for Scooter Libby by a President whose election was marred by voting irregularities, such that many Americans believe him to be unduly elected.
There seems to be an almost total disconnect between the effect Americans think they are having on the world, and the effect they are actually having on it. I mean, one of the main features in "O" was a new fashion line by Sarah Jessica Parker. What's new about it? Well, it's super cheap and made for big ladies, too. Well, gee. If it's cheap, I guess it's not manufactured in the United States, then - is it? And if it's made for big ladies, well, I guess that fits right in with the McDonald's advertising that helps fund/fill the magazine.
Not to be Judge Mental presiding, but - since when do Americans need MORE cheap clothing, anyways? Cheap clothing is a dime a dozen. There is absolutely no need for more cheap clothing for Americans. None. It has stretched beyond unnecessary and reached sinful. And if I told you the McDonald's ad features a kid wearing a tee-shirt that says, "Who cares even more about your child's nutrition than you? We do." - would you even believe me?
No. No you wouldn't. Because such an ad would be an abomination to humanity, proof that the Devil really is in the details. And yet, Dear Reader, I speak the truth. There is such an ad. And it's in "O" magazine. In amongst many earnest and and inspirational messages to readers about how we must do something about/for Africa.
In fact, you know, we are. We are doing something about Africa. In many inspiring ways that you can read about in "O" magazine.
It is to laugh, really. That the most consuming society in the world, on the planet, is suddenly consumed with the idea that it can/should/will do something about/for (I can never decide which is more accurate - about? or for? Or is it "to"...) Africa, with no seeming realization of the inherent contradiction in that mission. The fact that the proselytizing is coming from a big glossy American magazine ALL ABOUT CONSUMING clearly hasn't dawned on the editor of Vanity Fair, so it stands to reason that it wouldn't dawn on the editor of "O".
I mean, there has to be a starting point to credibility - right? Or am I just being a typical downer lefty here. What is it about us that we assume this lifestyle superiority when in fact we're the fattest people around the globe with the highest greenhouse gas emissions and a long and largely unnecessary litany of woes within our own borders that we could do something about if we weren't the fat polluting pigs that we are?
Africa? AFRICA? Geez Louise. Maybe start with, say, I dunno - Little Rock, Arkansas - and move out from there and if you get to Africa with a kit full of good intentions - still, well... good. Good for you.
Because I can't imagine that a country as fucked up as the United States really has the moral authority - yet - to take on a project as big as Africa. It's bullshit, is what it is. You can't live the way Americans insist on living and tell anybody else in the world that they're doing it wrong. You just can't. Or rather, shouldn't.
Yes, indeed. When it's the year 2007 and you're driving your air conditioned SUV around with the Bible around in one pocket and a VISA card in the other and you have more more money and more leisure time than your ancestors could ever have thought to pray for and you're chowing down on fast food on your way to the gym listening to geriatric rock & rollers and worrying about how you're going to max out your RRSPs to save on taxes and whether or not you should upgrade to a bigger house with maybe a three car garage further out in the suburbs - you should probably just help out Africa by staying as far away from it as possible.
Seriously, is any of this REALLY about Africa?
I didn't think so.
