Enemies Forever
So I was going on to a long suffering friend the other day (when I refer to a friend it's always the same friend, by the way - when I refer to another friend, it's my other friend) about all my Internet enemies and I said, "It's a gas. I've never had enemies before."
Then, just as I'd closed my mouth and stopped talking for that nano second that I did, I opened it again and said, "Oh... wait a minute - I've ALWAYS had enemies!" And proceeded to tell him about this guy who physically attacked me at a party when I was at University. I had no idea what was going on but apparently he'd developed a real hate on for me from another time at another party when I was going on about something he had disagreed with (if I told you it was The Bay City Rollers - would you believe me? - I mean, bear in mind, it WAS university in the early 80s) and had been nursing a grudge ever since.
Anyway, I'm about 110 pounds, 5'5" - just as I was then - and he was a former champion amateur boxer and about, oh... let's say... way bigger. He had me on the floor and was about to knock me unconscious when a guy who is now a famous actor (he plays villains and rogues) and who weighed about as much as me but was several inches taller, hauled him off. This other guy (who came out of the closet a year later - one of the bravest things I'd ever witnessed in all my years of University - 4) actually managed to push him against a wall so I could run before he got punched in the face.
The rest of the macho crew at the party stood back and did nothing - I still have all their names committed to memory - "Sooey's List", I call it. (Just kidding - I'm not even sure now if I just dreamed all this or read it in an Alice Munro book of short stories. Did I? Let me know if you've heard it or read before - 'kay? I don't want to look like a nut on the Internet.)
Whatever, it was all very dramatic and if I told you the University covered it up just like it covered up the rape of a 15 year old girl the year before by a similar angry psycho - would you believe me?
Anyway, I survived (the University had him come to my room - alone, late one night - to apologize, so I forgave him quickly and then yelled for help, whereafter the other girls on my floor chased him out of our residence) even scoring a job a couple of months later so I could stay in Toronto for the summer.
The bad news was that it was at The Danish Food Centre.
Now, not only was I totally unqualified to serve people lunch, but I had to wear a majorly dorky uniform to do it in - complete with red and white checkered cap and apron over a white nurse Bertha type uniform and white nurse Bertha like shoes.
So, one day, this friend of mine comes in (uh... not the friend I usually refer to - a long lost friend who could play classical music by ear and who could eat anything and keep an hourglass 36-24-36 figure which she hated because she wanted to be thin - not perfect) and says, "Holy Shit! You look like a complete dork in that uniform! You've gotta quit!' And I was like, "I can't quit, I can't even do THIS job. How the hell am I gonna get another one?" But she insisted, "What if one of your enemies came in and saw you in that outfit? What if, you know, "Psycho Pete" came in right now and ordered a pickled herring pastry?"
"Omigawd", I said. "You're absolutely right. I can't be seen in this outfit by Psycho Pete." And I quit the next day. Luckily, even though it was the early 80s, I got a totally cool job as a courier working for one of the big stock brokers downtown and was still able to stay in Toronto for the summer. (At that age, I would do almost anything not to have to go home to the Sault for the summer. I even tried checking out a couple of strip joints - although I couldn't get in without a male escort and the only males I knew were my enemies, so... yeah... I considered myself pretty super lucky to get the courier job).
And I've had plenty more enemies since then - all men. So I asked my friend (the usual one) why I had these enemies. I said, "Why did that guy hate me so much? Why did I have those male enemies?" (I'd told him about a couple of others that I won't bore YOU with, Dear Reader).
Well, would you believe me if I told you he said, and he chuckled (sort of heheh-like), "Because you wouldn't fuck 'em."
I dunno. Want the answer to a question about men? Ask a man.
(By the way, that boxer guy who was a big deal at University went on to become a lawyer. A while after that there was some funny business in the Crown Attorney's office in Hamilton. A while later, a woman sued over a Law Society Bachelor Auction because it turned out the bachelor she'd won was up on attempted murder charges - of his girlfriend. Later still, there was a conviction and time served. Finally. Some people, eh?)
