Why Not Be The First?
"Cadmangate"
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February 29, 2008
Chuck Cadman's Last Words
Enh. I didn't know Chuck Cadman so I'm going to go with this scenario, that, because he knew he was about to shuffle off this mortal coil, he was easily talked into denying publicly that he'd been offered an illegal $1,000,000 bribe - just in case it ever came up - by the same people who'd offered it to him. I mean, if the New Conservatives were sleazy enough to offer a dying man a $1,000,000 life insurance policy to switch his vote and bring down a government, I'm guessing they'd be sleazy enough to say something later, after he refused, like, "Nice reputation. Shame if anything were to happen to it after you're gone. But, you know, you could go on record as saying we never offered you a bribe and poof - these pictures go up in flames."
I'm not saying it DID happen. I mean, what the hell do I know? I don't know any of these people. Except that they've got all the power - almost - that they've ever wanted and are changing the very fabric of our country.
Let's face it. Had you ever heard of Charles McVety before Stephen Harper and his Goody Alberta Party came along? Because he says he's got power and influence with the Government of Canada that people like you and I can only dream of. Who knows? Maybe it was the spectre of Charles McVety running the show from behind the scenes that eventually repelled Chuck Cadman from the Goody Alberta Party:
Charles McVety,OurVeryOwnBig"C"Christian
But, like I say, what do I know? I don't know any of these people. They all seem to have come out of the Blue.
Anyway, here's a brief rundown of who Thomas Flanagan is, not that it means anything other than, well, you be the judge:
The Liberal Election Theme
ElectionFever?TakeTwoAspirinAndIgnoreIt
Ouch, baby.
February 28, 2008
Pants on Fire
OhNo!NowThereIsAJihadAgainstStephenHarper!
"I knew Chuck Cadman very well," Harper said. "The leader of the Opposition would have us believe that Chuck Cadman was offered a bribe, then went on national television and denied it ever happened. This is completely false, completely irresponsible and the leader of the Opposition should offer an apology."
Offer an apology to whom, HeWhoDeniesSoAggressively? Chuck Cadman's dead. And it's not the Leader of the Opposition who would have us believe that, it's Tom Zytaruk, Dona Cadman, Dan Wallace, and you, Stephen Harper, if that even IS your real name:
Harper is also quoted in the book, confirming some of the details. CBC News has obtained the audio recording of Harper's interview, confirming the quotes. The prime minister said his understanding of the offer to Cadman was that "it was only to replace financial considerations he might lose due to an election." Zytaruk stands by his book. "I've got Dona saying that this happened and the executive assistant who was in the office with him at the time doesn't really want to speak about it but says that Dona has no reason to fabricate anything, and Stephen Harper speaking his piece," he told CBC News.
Okay. Well. I think I'll believe the three people who have no reason to lie, thanks, Mr. Prime Minister
Why the Widow Is Running As a Conservative
From the allegation by his widow that New Conservatives offered a $1,000,000 bribe to Chuck Cadman (by way of a life insurance policy in his dying days) has sprung the question from various and sundry, "so why is she running for the Conservatives?"
Well, Dear Reader, I expect it's because she's a Conservative. And why should she have to leave her Party of choice just because some people in it are amoral to the point of being indistinguishable from mobster hooligans or Liberals?
I mean, I remember when a group of Goody Albertans wanted the Progressive Conservative Party to devolve its already-less-than-Progressive ideals and the Party said "maybe later", so the Goody Albertans splintered off to form their own Reform Party which would later come back to swallow the old Progressive Conservative Party whole.
Why do you think that happened, Dear Reader? It happened because people who believed in those already-less-than-Progressive ideals didn't hold fast to their slightly-less-than-legitimate principles and when the Goody Albertans came back to steal office supplies, they were able to swallow the Progressive Conservative Party whole.
Unless... wait a minute... did that really happen or was that a Star Trek episode?
Real Freedom of Speech
Enough of the Cyber Supremacist Stalkers (CHRCers) vs Islamic Menace Alarmists (FreeSpeechers), let's check out what those Class-A alleged Bribers in Ottawa are up to preventing you from knowing:
Mulroney? Who Cares About Mulroney?
In 2005, Stephen Harper and his New Conservative Party allegedly offered a $1,000,000 bribe to Chuck Cadman, MP, to vote with them and topple the Government!
Heheh - One More Time!
So, the New Conservatives, under the leadership of Stephen Harper, allegedly offered a $1,000,000 bribe to a Member of Parliament to vote with them to defeat the sitting Government of the day.
Oh no! I'm going into schadenfreude overload! System! Cannot! Process! Implications!
Move Over Brian Mulroney
Make room for the Stephen Harper story: "Like A Rock, A Slippery, Slimy Rock".
Stephen"IfAnybodyAsks,IWasn'tActuallyThere"Harper
Harper said his understanding of the offer to Cadman was that "it was only to replace financial considerations he might lose due to an election."I don't know the details," he's quoted as saying in the book. "I can tell you that I had told the individuals - I mean, they wanted to do it - but I told them they were wasting their time. I said Chuck had made up his mind he was going to vote with the Liberals."
Harper also confirmed the people who met with Cadman were "legitimately representing the party."
Phew. I notice you didn't, as Leader, allegedly say "offering up a bribe to a politician is illegal", though, so screw you, buddy. Your turn on the rack.
Gee, Conservatives, new and old - I guess you can bribe some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time but you just can't allegedly bribe all of the people all of the time, eh?
February 27, 2008
Bill C-484 Again (In Case You Were Ignoring It)
An Act to amend the Criminal Code (injuring or causing the death of an unborn child while committing an offence)
As a citizen, I'd like to remind our Legislators of a very salient fact with regards to the wording of Bill C-484: There is no such thing as an unborn child.
Therefore, it stands to reason, of course, that you will, to a man and woman, vote against it.
Flaherty Tells Americans:
"Don'tElectABlackManORAWoman!"
Adding for good measure:
"NAFTA is of tremendous benefit to Americans. And perhaps the nominees have not had the opportunity to familiarize themselves with the benefit to Americans and the American economy of NAFTA."
The greasy little New Conservative shit speaks the truth, Americans. Just ask Canadians. And please, take us with you when you go?
Thesis Me This, Riddle Man
DavidWarrenPutsItAnotherWay,JustNotFarEnoughToPunctureAnything
One of the persistent themes of these columns, especially over the last couple of years, might be abbreviated to, "Scientism versus Christianity." It is a way of looking at the postmodern revolution that has swept through all Western societies in the last few decades. I say "postmodernism" because it is the fulfilment of a much older "modernist" project, going back centuries: to replace the authority of the Christian religion with some "enlightened" human authority.
But, haven't we just been, like, kind of taking your word for it that there IS an authority of the Christian religion? Because, well, hasn't it usually been a human telling us what's up with God, too?
RePost For Extra Stupid Liberals
One more time, Liberals: It's not Dion. It's you.
Mulroney's Lawyer
Finally.
I mean, I didn't realize he didn't actually HAVE to appear before the Committee before. I thought that's why he did - because he had to. Cripes, I wouldn't have even done it the first time, if I'd been Mulroney. Seriously, I wonder if these guys' lawyers are worth what their clients pay them or it they're like those specialized doctors who only see a certain income level of clientele so that after a while they end up not being very good doctors - you know, as compared to public health doctors who see everybody.
I bet a legal aid lawyer would have said, "What? Are you crazy? If you don't have to appear - don't appear. Whaddaya got to gain by showing up and telling the truth? Or not? C'mon - you're Brian Mulroney, former Prime Minister of Canada. Not some chump who appears before a Committee."
Get Whoopi - In Whiteface!
So, apparently there's a controversial SNL skit about Obama and IRONICALLY the controversy isn't about the fact that the skit isn't even remotely funny while it nevertheless manages to be both racist and sexist (depicting the black man as lecherous and the woman as unable to speak up for herself):
Say, you know what WOULD be funny, now? To have a black comedian do a Lorne Michaels sketch. You know, maybe Whoopi Goldberg or somebody like that - in whiteface - to inject a little humour into SNL and play off the WTF? controversy of a white comedian playing Obama in your usual run-of-the-mill not funny SNL skit.
Haha, William F. Buckley Died
And that crazy bitch, Germaine Greer, IS STILL ALIVE!
So, I guess we know who won THAT debate, eh? Suck it up, Rightwingers! U drool!
Sooey's Comments Section - Unpublished 'Til Now
I know many of you have been pining for my comments section, so I thought I'd post a few I've received since I stopped publishing them. Oh, and don't worry, Stalkwell, I am:
"Sooey, I hope you're as beautiful as you are brilliant so men can't in all honesty and fairness resort to calling you derogatory names just because they're jealous of your big brain!"
Stalkwell, Your Number One Fan
"Sooey, ever since I invented The Internet I've been waiting for a natural source of energy like your beautiful and brilliant self to come along and illuminate it. By the way, I've taken your advice and cut down on the roasted pig on a spit barbeques we like here on the ranch and it's made all the difference. The vertically striped pajamas were a bit controversial, though."
Al Gore
"Sooey, I just want to say that as brilliant and beautiful as you are, your brains and beauty are outmatched by your keen sense of humour. I laughed so hard at one of your Feminist jokes the other day, that I absolutely turned gay once and for all."
Christopher Hitchens
"Thanks to you, Sooey, even I know I'm an out-of-control egomaniac now. Thanks, eh. And "Support the Feminists!"
Rick "I Am So Great" Hellyah
"You suck, Sooey!"
Steve Harper
Sure, Sure - Just Tell That To Judas, Dude
Hey, everybody - I found Jesus:
HeWasWarrenKinsellaTheWholeTime!
Here's one of Warren's truisms, then: legitimacy is not found in numbers. Rightness does not equate with popularity. You can be entirely, utterly alone, as Jesus Christ was in the end - as the other prophets were, like Mohamed and Moses, at key moments in their lives - and still be irrevocably right.
Heheh, okay. We'll nail you to something, too. But it won't be because we want to, it'll be to save the world.
Another Win/Win for Denmark
My, oh my. Those Danish cartoons just never get old, eh? They're like Family Circus or TinTin or AndyCapp for Danish newspapers AND Muslim protestors, I guess:
WithNothingElseToDo,SudanProtestsDanishCartoons
But, this time, in a surprising Win/Win twist for Danes:
"We don't want them to come to our land nor will we like to go to their land," al-Mutaafi said of the Danes.
Ah Allah, peace be upon him, afterall. Although, he could stand to do something about the mess he's made of Sudan, if you ask me.
February 26, 2008
You Guessed It, Liberals - Nobody Likes You
What's with all the Liberals thinking Dion should call an election over the Budget? I mean, how would a Liberal Budget be any better or worse and not just pretty much the same as that BigFuckWad of a Budget just delivered by that LittleShitWad Flaherty?
By the way? It's not Dion, Liberals. It's you.
Bill C-484
An Act to amend the Criminal Code (injuring or causing the death of an unborn child while committing an offence)
As a citizen, I'd like to remind our Legislators of a very salient fact with regards to the wording of Bill C-484: There is no such thing as an unborn child.
Therefore, it stands to reason, of course, that you will, to a man and woman, vote against it.
Indirect Misenergy
You know what I'd like the media to do? I'd like the media to find out who benefitted and how from the Old New Conservative Party of Ontario's break up of the energy sector with the resultant popping up of seemingly fly-by-night gas distribution companies.
Because that whole fiasco, as far as I'm concerned, is a symbol of Mike Harris's Ontario - corporate thuggery with absolutely no consumer protection offered up by the government we all pay for because we assume it is there for all citizens and not just a bunch of corporate thug buddies of whatever group of politicos happens to be in power.
It can't just be me who remembers those guys who looked like they might be awol carnies or day parolees going door-to-door with name tags like "P-20569" and clipboards with nothing on them but a bunch of forged signatures demanding to see your gas bill: "Hey lady, show me you fuckin' gas bill! I gotta see if you got yer fuckin' rebate!"
Now, I'm not totally opposed to free enterprise, I just have a problem with corruption and fraud and last I looked, there was a lot of corruption and fraud going on with all these sleazy overnight operations run out of offices that didn't appear to be on any "legitimate" city maps. Believe me. I tried to get to one of them to discuss having been signed up, unawares, to have my gas delivered by a company that was not the company who had delivered my gas before Mike Harris et al came along to run the province into the ground.
And surely it's not just my imagination that there was a line-up of consumers as long as the Family Compact has been in power complaining about having been bilked - BILKED - out of money because they'd been signed up without due process - or in many cases, without their knowledge - at the door by people who were no longer on the payroll of whatever gas distribution company had sent them door-to-door in the first place.
So, c'mon. It's still going on because I saw a couple of those guys the other day. At first I thought they were Rogers employees trying to get into an apartment building to harass people to sign up for cell phones because lots of apartment dwellers have "no junk mail" put on their mailboxes so that Rogers can't just stuff their mailboxes full of unsolicited mail anymore such that there's no room for any legitimate mail, but alas, no such luck. They were from one of those gas redistribution companies.
Anyway, it would be nice to know what really went down and continues to go down with that scam because I want to know and I'm sure a lot of other Ontarians would like to know the names of any politicians currently active in politics who might have been involved with ALL THAT.
Bullshit Polls
Does anybody really believe polls commissioned by openly biased news services like CanWest/Global? I mean, c'mon - CanWest/Global is to New Conservativism what laps are to lap dancers:
CanadiansWillLoveWhateverBudgetNewConservativesIntroduce
Overall, though, a narrow majority of 53 per cent said the idea of running a deficit would be very acceptable or somewhat acceptable.
What the fuck does that even mean other than that the CanWest/Global will put a positive spin on whatever the hell budget the New Conservatives introduce?
Good grief. Yeah. Okay. Canada officially sucks. Thanks, CanWest/Global and the New Conservative Government of Canada. You win. Just not in Afghanistan, which I notice wasn't mentioned - at all.
Because I guess the War in Afghanistan isn't costing "hard-working Canadian families" any of their "hard-earned tax dollars" and therefore they'd rather have a cheap little tax handout to totally stimulate an economy that's about to suck thanks to those idiot Republicans south of the border instead of just about anything else - including Federal help for Ontario's manufacturing sector?
Uh hunh. Sure. I believe you, CanWest/Global, even where others might not.
February 25, 2008
Sure, Blame the Taliban
ParliamentScramblesToMeetHillier'sDemands
The debate comes on the heels of a warning issued Friday by Chief of Defence Staff Gen. Rick Hillier, who urged Parliament to come to a quick decision on the country's role in Afghanistan.
Yeah. Don't even think about it. Just do what Hillier says. He's the Prime Minister General of Canada.
Hillier said the longer the Canadian Forces go without clarity about the mission, the more difficult it will be to protect the soldiers.
Tell them to stand still, then, so nobody gets killed in a vehicle rollover or by a roadside bomb, while Parliament debates the mission.
He said that if the Taliban sense weakness, they may try to take advantage of it and attack Canadian soldiers to prevent a cohesive mission.
Sure, blame the Taliban. What are they going to do? Write a letter to the editor complaining it's not their fault their spidey senses are always tingling?
Is There A Dr. Martin In The House?
Good grief, eh? Okay, okay - you're a Dr. Gawd. Dr. Martin, Dr. Martin, Dr. Martin. Oh, oh, quiet everybody. Dr. Martin has something to say. Shh. (He's a Dr., you know.)
Keith Martin, Dr., Dr. Keith Martin, that is to say, said something in favour of free speech if you haven't heard already, ad nauseum, as if - otherwise - Keith Martin isn't the flake of flakes in the Western Hemisphere.
Sadly for Dr. Martin, some bad people said something in favour of free speech right after he did. They were like, "Yavol! Ve agree vit da Goot Herr Doktor!" (Heheh - probably because he's a Dr., and they were like, "Yaw! Yaw! He's a Dr. Vike Mengele. Yaw!")
I hate it when that happens, too, though, I must admit. I'll say something brill and then a bunch of bad people come along (male bloggers, mostly) and they're all like, "Ygluck! Ygluck!" (That's the worst part - the "lost in translation" copying.)
Anyway, the fact is, Dr. Keith Martin said something that bad people agreed with, so, I guess Dr. Keith Martin is bad, too.
Unless, bad people are sometimes good.
Ooh... Hm... Nope. Too dangerous. Dr. Keith Martin must be bad.
Speaking of Freedom of Speech
Should men be allowed to be bloggers? I mean, I've noticed when they aren't defaming each other, they're suing each other for defamation.
And the same men who do both - defame and sue for defamation - use derogatory terms to describe women bloggers they don't like or don't agree with politically. I've noticed that, too. Which I think is kind of misogynistic, but, hey - I'm a woman blogger so I've learned to suck it up, take it in stride, BE A WOMAN.
But it's a bit of a drag knowing they can say endless shit about us knowing we won't sue or threaten to sue because we're women and must therefore not be seen to be whining, offended, not TAKING IT LIKE WOMEN, while they muck up the Internet to such a degree that, well, it's all about them, isn't it. I mean, when isn't there a defamation shitstorm involving male bloggers on the Internet?
And most of them already have jobs with some kind of public profile, too, so, in the interests of WOMEN and all that is rational, I hereby pledge to not click on a blog or Internet article or anything that has to do with men who defame and/or sue for defamation and/or otherwise just go on and on about themselves and who they are being sued by and who they are suing and so on and so forth and more of the same etc etc. It'll be my way of STOPPING THE INSANITY!!!
By the way, Dear Reader, they're all buddies behind the scenes, you know - every single one of them. And it's no wonder because they make a pretty good living off each other. Just don't expect to find a WOMAN buddy in the gang. You won't. They're all "men".
February 24, 2008
It's Gonna Purple Rain
I can feel it in my hip:
Godspeak
I watched "Castaway" last night on television. I love that movie, how time goes from being such an absolute manmade concept to something relative only to whether you are living or no longer. And how a sane person will bestow humanity upon something, anything to stay sane when just yourself and your memories aren't enough anymore.
Children do that, of course, too, bestow humanity upon something. To a child, anything they decide is a companion assumes humanity - and a soul. Parents know it. That's why it's such a preoccupation with us that our children not lose who they love most - Teddy, or Olive, or in the case of my son - Tshirt.
Tshirt was an old tee of his Dad's, who used to travel a lot, that I gave him one night, introducing him as one of Dad's old tee-shirts. Eventually, Tshirt was just a patch of cloth, but by then, Tshirt's Cousin had come to visit and Tshirt retired to being a neckerchief for Patch, who was a patchwork teddy never played with but always there, watching. (The cat had bitten off his eye, so he was wary and liked to be up high on a shelf.)
The first time I saw "Castaway", when Wilson floats away, my oldest cried. I was choked up, but I make it a rule not to cry in front of my kids. I don't know why, exactly, that I have that rule - except that my mother never cried in front of us, or at all that I know of, and I always found that very reassuring.
So I kept up her tradition. I'm sure any pychologists reading this are having a bird right about now, so know, too, that I have a reputation for not really celebrating special days much, or at all. My kids know me as she who observes one day no differently than the day before and will observe the next day as the same, and so on and so forth and more of the same etc etc until life, which I refer to as a mystery that is just there and death something we never know ourselves, is well, like I say - who knows?
My mother also never discussed religion or God, although we went to Church for most of our childhoods and she even went for a bit after we were gone from home. I think that's because my father may have been a religious person and she kept it up because he would have wanted that for us. My own children have never been to Church, though. My ex's parents are much younger than my own - 60s parents - and as soon as he said, "Ugh", to Church - they didn't bother going any more and we kept with his family tradition, as well as his own beliefs which are a combination of science and science fiction.
I countered, of course, with - "there's no such thing as aliens" - which was just me being me because I didn't take any science in high school beyond grade 11 physics so I really don't know if there are aliens or not. I just know I don't care about space, space travel, other planets, possible life on other planets, and anything and everything to do with the universe beyond the ozone layer of Earth.
Anyway, when you don't go to Church, you end up discussing life in other ways with kids, more heathen ways, and so it is with movies like "Castaway" that you end up talking about such things as humanity and time.
Now, when kids are little, they don't just give souls to teddy bears and blankets, they believe in angels and fairies, too. The latter comes from other people, of course, but the former? I dunno. I think that's just instinct. What's striking is how real it is, such that, as long as your child believes Tshirt has humanity, you do, too. I know that to be true because, not only can I remember feeling that as a child about Smokey, but I felt it a bit for Tshirt when he no longer mattered to my son.
Once a soul has been bestowed, Dear Reader, there's no uncreating it. We can create. But we can't uncreate.
So, what is it about others' beliefs in Deities that is so offputting to me, then? Well, I think it's quite simply the insistence that divinity must be bestowed upon the supernatural for life to have meaning, that humanity isn't enough - when I know that it is. It's a power we have, to bestow humanity upon anything, and I guess I just don't see the need to inflate it to the divine. I'm nervous of people who can't see that humanity is enough. They scare me.
Because humanity IS enough.
February 23, 2008
Yes We Can
Not.
I'm going to make a prediction now that is so chock-a-block with irony, it is to laugh: Michelle Obama will be the downfall of her husband. Yes indeed, sexism will out in the end. And the U.S. will elect a white Republican man to be President of the United States of America.
The end.
Dream On
Has this ever happened to you, Dear Reader?
When I was at university, I used to go to the pub once a week to seek male attention for my looks AND sense of humour but, because I was shy about actually dating anyone, I would stick pretty much to sitting with girlfriends and drinking brewskis.
I also developed a pathological fear of dancing which may or may not have had to do with being a) left-handed; b) from the Sault; c) a tail-end boomer caught between rock & roll and disco - neither of which I could dance to on account of rock & roll is not dance music and disco is gay (in the retarded sense, I mean).
Anyway, this guy - AND HE WAS BLACK - took a shine to me and one night kept bugging me to dance to the point where I was forced to tell him I was a lesbian, "I'm a LESBIAN?!", which normally worked and was enough to put an end to the pestering. Guys would back away, "Hey, I don't want any trouble - sorry, eh - lemme buy you a beer", and that would be it.
But this guy was like, "I don't believe you", and kept bugging me until I was forced to say, "Look, I said I was a LEZZZZZBIAN?!"
Anyway, I forget what happened, how I got out of dancing (not with him, just in general), and so on and so forth and more of the same etc etc, but later that night I had a dream. Not like Martin Luther had a dream, more like a dream where I said to the guy, not, "I'm a Lesbian?!", but, "I don't dance with *******."
Yup. It was awful and in that dreamy way of, "Hey look, a toilet. Right in the middle of the party. I think I'll get naked and sit down and do a big poop."
Everybody heard. The whole pub was quiet when I said it, of course. No music, no laugher, just me saying, "I don't dance with *******". And the guy got really violent and pulled out a gun and was going to shoot me because it was all justified on account of I'd just said in front of a whole pub full of university students, "I don't dance with *******", except that some kindly arts students talked him out of it, said I didn't know any better and obviously I was just a racist, and they'd call the police and let them deal with me, and to put the gun away.
Needless to say, my life was ruined, over, done. Luckily it was only a dream and I woke up, completely sweaty and freaked out, but conscious.
Honestly? It was the scariest fucking dream I've ever had. You'd know it was, too, if you ever had that dream. C'mon. Have you? Have you ever had a dream where you've said something really, really, really inappropriate and wrong, wrong, wrong and everybody's mad, mad, mad and your life is pretty much or as good as over because you said a bad word for no good reason and no matter how hard you try to justify it you can't because it's just so frowned upon and there's simply no denying that you said it and in front of lots of people?
I mean, there was context in the dream, too, so, it was pretty clearly racist.
Anyway, just so you know - THAT'S how shy I am about dancing in public.
Free Speech - Less or More?
Let us do an experiment here on Sooey's using broad and leading statements from each opposing side in the Freedom of Speech vs Human Rights Commissions debate to see where our visceral reactions to each statement land us - shall we?:
"We need less freedom of speech."
vs
"We need more freedom of speech."
There. Now I know where I landed because, even though I'm a woman on the left, I want to know what people are REALLY thinking. I don't want them to just tell me what they think I want to hear (well, I do, but that comes from my mother's side of our family and they're all Liberals - all of them - right back to the first Cave Sooey who said, "Just tell them what they want to hear, get elected, and do whatever. Works every time.")
So, okay. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't want them to just tell YOU what they think you want to hear (think tax cuts and no mention of the Mission in Afghanistan during the last federal campaign, Dear Reader).
But back to the freedom to say what you believe without fear of prosecution.
I worked at the Provincial NDP in the 80s and we had a women's committee that did language checks on their fellow staff and, although Members were never approached for their misogynistic views, staff were regularly hauled up on the carpet for accidentally using the word "girl" when they meant "woman" - it was a real point of contention during my time there and, I swear, led to me saying "girl" more times than if I'd been running a Republican strip club. No wait, that'd be "boy" I'd be saying. Okay. Forget the analogy and nevermind that one of our Members who went on to be the Minister of Labour referred to his legislative assistant as "his girl" ALL THE TIME I worked at the NDP.
But he was a Member and, obviously, a man d'un certain age and therefore - off limits for the women's committee - who to a woman seemed to me people anyone other than the NDP would figure were best left to muttering to themselves as they shuffled along the corridors of Ward8 of The Mental - as opposed to in charge of politically correct (freedom of) speech in the workplace.
Now, the reason I mention this is because I almost got fired for calling another staff member (a higher up MAN, who was much beloved by the women's committee because they were seriously fucked up women who didn't know any better and were easily fooled by MEN telling them what they wanted to hear: "Your brain looks beautiful in that muumuu, Ms") a misogynistic pig BECAUSE he'd called me a bimbo AND was trying to get me to do work, through his boss, a Member, that would normally have been done by the Member's constituency assistant.
Alas, the constituency assistants were engaged in a strike action or work to rule or somesuch and the Member was trying to get around that inconvenient fact by having another staff member - me - who wasn't engaged in a strike action or work to rule to do what would normally be a job done by his constituency assistant.
That's called strike breaking or being a two-faced hypocrite or a bad comrade or something but, you know, when you're the Member (boss) and you want something done and you have an evil henchmen to do your bidding, it's called, "I don't give a shit. Tell the bimbo to do it or I'll have her fired."
Anyway, the guy I called a misogynistic pig I also knew to have been charged with wife assault - which the press eventually got wind of when the NDP were in power on account of he was working in a Ministry reponsible for women's affairs or something like that, and, well, I don't know, don't care what happened to him after that - perhaps he's a Liberal, or even a New Conservative, now. The important thing is, I didn't get fired but I did get a blot on my work record at the Member's insistence.
Except I didn't get a blot on my work record - the Member just thinks I did - because I didn't think that was fair, either, this right of a Member to have my work record affected because of an incident involving multiple offences all 'round, in my opinion (although, not really, since I thought the Member and his assistant - who wasn't REALLY higher up than me, now I stop and think about it - were in the wrong and I was just calling a spade a spade and he was calling me by a misogynist pig's epithet for "woman").
So, I went to our Chief Steward and she went to our Office Manager and between the two of them they came up with, "Okay. We're going to tell Him we've put the blot on your work record and you're going to act penitent and apologize to Him, but, in fact, we've done nothing. There's nothing on your work record to indicate that this altercation ever took place."
Believe me, it may sound like a wise solution but I'm not wise and boy did it bug me having to fake penitence and apologize to that asshole. Seriously. I mean - c'mon. That happened 20 years ago and I'm STILL mad about it.
But that wasn't the point of my story. The point of my story is that, not long after, or maybe it was years later, I can't remember now (it's amazing how the years BC - before children - all swim together), I went on maternity leave. While I was on maternity leave, the NDP won the election and became the first NDP Government of Ontario. And I opted to not go back to work and instead stay at home with the baby (people couldn't believe my decision but the way I saw it was, well, nevermind how I saw it - just know it was one of the easiest decisions I've ever had to make).
However, around Christmastime, I did go to a big reception at the Legislature to celebrate the win and the story I tell of that room is the lesson I think people should take from political correctness - speechwise - which is this: It took me a while to figure out where the party was because the room that APPEARED to be the party room, also APPEARED to be a sea, an absolute sea, of young to young middle-aged white men who mirrored (in that special flattering mirror kind of way) the sea of newly elected Members.
See, that's what happens when people just pay lip service. Real life. It's why you want to know what people really think, not just what they think you want to hear. Because those Members were people I could have sworn would go out of their way to bring diversity and, more importantly, women on board if they'd ever had the chance at power and when one walked into a party room celebrating something as huge as the first provincial win by the NDP ever, that you'd think you'd stepped into the United Nations of Women Also Rans, at least.
Except that I'd had that little Real Life encounter (among several others, but who has time?) already and when I realized that the party wasn't a final Liberal blow-out or a waiting in the wings Harris orgy, but the new NDP government celebrating its win - it all made sense.
Seriously, Dear Reader, you want people to say what they believe, to not be afraid to put on the record what it REALLY is they believe in because otherwise, you'll just get blindsided. And when you do it'll be your own fault for insisting they just tell you what you want to hear.
February 22, 2008
Hey Kids! Abstinence IS Hot!
Today, boys and girls, your Health Education teacher, Sooey, is going to show you why you don't want to have sex. Ever. Also, girls, if any of you are planning to become groupies, this video will reveal your future - better'n an 8-ball, even. And boys, this is what sex with a set of fake boobs really looks like so you might want to downsize your priorities.
RockStarAndGroupieSex-Live! SortOf...
I know, I know. EW!EW!EW! Just think, though, at least your Mom and Dad probably looked better'n that making you.
People and Climate Change
There's nothing left I can do, nowhere to go to make my carbon footprint smaller. That's it for me. I'm done. Totally converted - right where I started out at the beginning of this debate - so you can stop preaching to me now. And at this point, if you have the wherewithall to give speeches about climate change, it's time to take action and reduce your carbon footprint down to mine. So get yourself down to minimum wage, a small apartment, no car, and no travel or big expensive purchases with lots of packaging.
We aren't responsible for climate change anymore. You are. It's all up to you, Baby. Now, go for it. Pare your lifestyle down to the tiniest fraction of what it is and give yourself a big old pat on the back for a job well done.
Aw, Just When You Thought
Everybody rahrahing the War in Afghanstan WASN'T a big fat liar about the war on Afghanistan, now you know - THEY ALL ARE:
NewConservativesFundRahRahingThinkTank
What's the money for? It's not for the technical work that militaries obviously require -- building better airplanes, for example. Instead, it sponsors policy scholars, who create the ideas, news and views that shape Canadians' perception of the military and the war. And the evidence suggests that the military and government have politicized some SDF grants. The same bureaucrat who administers SDF grants to scholars also manages DND's liaison with cabinet and Parliament. When DND needs a kind word in Parliament or the media -- presto! -- an SDF-sponsored scholar often appears, without disclosing his or her financial link.
McCain Isn't Gay?!
If there's one thing to be learned about the story on John McCain and his affair or not with the blond woman who looks like an almost dead ringer for his wife, it's that the New York Times is not the liberal newspaper American liberals, for whatever reason, so desperately want to believe it is.
I'm not sure WHAT the New York Times is, but when you believe to the point of knowing that the administration taking your country to war via an illegal invasion of another country is lying and knows it is lying about its reasons for doing so, and you don't report that knowledge to your readers, you're really not much of a newspaper. You're just this great big grand old established source of trust for a bunch of liberals who don't know any better.
Besides, if McCain isn't gayer'n The Navy then I guess Mike Huckabee is the only gay left in the running to be the Republican candidate for the 2008 Presidential election.
February 21, 2008
Live from www.sooeys.com
Regarding the Toronto Queen Street West fire yesterday:
"History is for the dead!"
Which ties in nicely with something I heard for the very first time just the other day: "Life is for the living". Because history is just so burdensome, isn't it. I mean, we're always trying to save it, or capture a bit of it, or learn from it for fear we'll repeat it - which for some reason is considered quite the doomed thing to do.
So, I'm doing a total 180 as of today, right here on this blog, and adopting the double-edged (in a good way) adage, "History is for the dead, life is for the living".
Because really, I think I had it ass backwards right up until now.
Two Irishmen
Here's your morning smile as told to my beau over in Ireland this past summer by a guy in a real Irish pub with a real Irish accent and everything:
Q: Why is there so much paedophilia in the Catholic Church?
A: Sexy kids.
Anyway, he told me that one because I was talking about how, in the shower, instead of singing showtunes, I was thinking about all the times when I was a little girl and then a bigger girl that I was in icky situations where I realized the grown up man would have done something perverted to me if I didn't get out of the room, car, park - wherever I happened to be when I realized, "Uh oh".
And I wasn't even a sexy kid. And I'm not exaggerating. Every other day or so, or maybe it was every other week, or every month, but certainly several times a year, I can clearly recall now being in what I knew were sketchy situations where I had to keep my wits about me and that almost always meant amskraying with a hasty explanation, "I gotta go... practice piano/feed the dog/iron my Gram's underwear!"
It's true. In my day, it was up to the kid to stay out of the pervert's clutches. The thing was - every man of a certain age seemed to be a pervert. Honestly. Maybe that's just because I'm a fatherless girl from Northern Ontario, but maybe it's not. Maybe it's because, unless there's another man around to ward off the other men, and you live in Northern Ontario, little kids seem a little too inviting to men and it brings out the pervert in them. And unless those little kids have a drill sergeant Mom who has pretty much hammered it into their little noggins that preventing sexual assault is THEIR responsibility, tough nuts, kid.
It's survival of the fittest at the end of the day. You don't want something bad to happen to you? Don't let it happen, then.
The reason I'm putting my nasty nasty nasty argument thusly is because while I was showering, I realized that much of the Rightwing argument against "overprotecting" kids comes from middle-aged people who probably grew up in circumstances similar to mine and what they're essentially saying is, "Look, prey has to be wary - that's just the way it is. Otherwise, the kids get sloppy and the next thing you know..."
And there is some merit to that argument because the whole idea is to prevent sexual assault from happening. And there's probably an analogy to be made, here, between kids and the domestic cat, which has become dumber over time because it doesn't have to keep its wits about it anymore. It's gone soft. It doesn't even have to hunt for food. It just pads over to the dish and there it is.
As a result, it's devolved and can be easily mauled by a dog - often because it's been declawed, too, so it won't scratch the upholstery on the brand new ultra suede couch.
On the upside (because there has been social evolution, at least) not only do kids have more rights these days - and know their rights - but we view the predator as the problem - not the kid who was sexually assaulted. Well, except for those same Rightwingers who DO blame the kid - either for not wearing a uniform or for having a single mom who picked up with a man or for whatever reason that allowed the sexual assault to take place because, for whatever reason, the kid didn't get out of the room/car/park.
So, they blame the predator, too, but there's still an element of, "Look kid, that didn't happen to me because I had the smarts to get out of the room/car/park."
But, like I say, I wasn't a sexy kid, either, so I can't say for sure if I know where they're coming from exactly. I'm just guessing this "over-protecting the kids" argument goes a little deeper'n wearing helmets during playtime.
Tomorrow I'll blog about a friend I had who WAS a sexy kid.
Just kidding.
Shooting Down Hazardous Spy Satellites
Isn't really free, you know.
Like healthcare.
I just thought I'd mention that since Rightwingers are always so eager to remind Canadians that just because it seems free when you're sick, healthcare is actually quite expensive.
Still, I'm glad Americans pay good money for the technology to shoot down their hazardous spy satellites because it turns out there was a 25% chance of that one, the one they just shot down, landing in Canadian territory.
February 20, 2008
Phew. Nevermind.
"All I would say is that I am not a candidate and I have not consented to my government advocating for me to take on this responsibility," Manley said Wednesday in an interview with Reuters.
It's true. I heard he's holding out for an official "Princess" designation.
MSM Shills for Wal-Mart
If you're one of those who, like me, dropped her subscription to a CanWest newspaper due to what I considered rampant misogyny and not so thinly veiled racism in its editorial pages, perhaps you might want to not reconsider renewing it - ever:
NowWeAdvertiseForWalMartInOurEditorialPages
The column starts off thusly:
Wal-Mart deserves the 2008 Nobel Peace Prize. And the Vatican may want to beatify the world's largest retailer.
And continues unabated until this final line:
How much more saintly can a corporate entity get?
Heheh - I recommend: WalMart-TheHighCostOfLowPrice as an antidote if you bothered reading the above CanWest Aditorial.
Oh, and here's more'n the author of the piece, an editorial pages editor with CanWest:
Hello? You Fucking Sacks of Shit?
THERE'S A JOURNALIST AWAITING EXECUTION IN AFGHANISTAN!!!!!
Mr. Harper also reviewed the Manley panel recommendations with Mr. Karzai."The Prime Minister confirmed that he is in contact with NATO allies regarding additional troops and expressed his hope that Parliament will support a motion that would see an extension of Canada's mission to Afghanistan," Sandra Buckler, the Prime Minister's director of communications, said in a statement. "President Karzai reconfirmed his support for the Canadian mission, a message he will carry to NATO in the coming weeks."
Oh. Yes. Of course. Whatever you say, President Karzai. Can I carry your bags for you, President Karzai? Thank you. No, after you, President Karzai.
More Lunacy
Tom Stoppard's play, Jumpers, was one of the first plays I saw in Toronto when I first moved there to go to school. I saw more plays after that because my boyfriend was best friends with an acting student (who is still an actor - he plays menacing characters in Hollywood movies and supposedly dated Mick Jagger's daughter, although, if true, she must like her men like she likes her flowers - "gay in springtime", if you catch my drift).
Anyway, the leading lady did/does the entire play in the nude, in her bedroom, musing about the moon. Man has just landed on it, you see, thereby destroying moonlore and causing her to drift into a depression over the future of art and poetry. The theme resonated with me because I'm at odds with where man seeks to go, too (heheh - and it's funny how it's pretty much a bisexual "highway", when you really stop and think about it) - particularly in terms of space travel and going where no man has gone before.
Also, thinking about space gives me the willies, whereas "The Man In The Moon Is A Lady" from Mame is one of my favourite showtunes.
So yeah - fuck you, Trekkies.
Lunatics
Here is something funny. I feel like I want to punch the world in the face AND I just found out there's going to be a lunar eclipse tonight.
Anyway, when I pointed out to my beau this morning that I remember making the connection between a full moon, a smashed window, and flat out full on incomprehensible rage, a feeling like I was going to burst out of my skin and melt the ground beneath me with hot green bile - he said, "the moon is very far, but also very big".
Heheh - and those were the last words he ever spoke...
February 19, 2008
White People
Sheena, Neo-Feminist, posted this on my forum:
Okay. I admit it. I'm so white I'm going to have to change the name of SooeySays to SooeyTheHonkySays.
But gee, white people are so politically correct, we should have a White Pride Week or something to get everybody else on board.
A Rightwing Canadian Museum For Human Rights
I mean, c'mon. This is CanWest's baby and Stephen Harper has pledged $100 million now and $22 million annually to it and now submissions are being solicited as to what goes in it and REAL women is ready aye ready to offer up suggestions.
HowAbout"CanadianMuseumOfIrony"?
I dunno 'bout you, Dear Reader - but CanWest offends me. Its newspapers offend me such that I go without. Its television network, Global, offends me to the point where I want to leave the country. Personally, I find CanWest/Global overwhelmingly and astoundingly "white male" - if you know what I mean. And, as a Feminist, I'm pretty sure that's a backlash I'm getting every time I come across a CanWest editorial or a Global newscast.
REAL Women, on the other hand, is what I think of as CanWest/Global's natural constituency:
"The Advisory Committee for the Museum, selected by the former Liberal government, consisted mainly of feminist, homosexual and regular Liberal stand-bys, such as a former Liberal Prime Minister John Turner, former Liberal MPs, Cabinet Ministers and some Senators. The museum was intended to be a monument to former Liberal Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau and his Charter of Rights."This has raised concerns that the museum, with its left-wing Advisory Board, would be used as a powerful tool to champion the Liberal government's interpretation of human rights, such as abortion rights, feminism, homosexuality, etc. with only some legitimate exhibits sprinkled here and there to give the museum the appearance of legitimacy.
"Fortunately the Conservative government changed the Advisory Committee in October to include individuals, mostly business men and women, with no known bias on human rights issues.
Yes. "Fortunately". Because now we know what the Canadian Museum of Human Rights is REALLY about, don't we. And Feminists like me won't have to spend any money - voluntarily - to check it out once it's been built with $100 million of our tax dollars and is humming along on a $22 million/year bribe from Stephen Harper and his New Conservative Government of Canada for more of that good ol' boy rightwing bias in CanWest's editorials and Global's newscasts.
No Country For Weird Looking Old Bags
What's up with all the plastic surgery actresses are having to look younger? Because they don't look younger after having had plastic surgery, they just look weird.
Middle-aged and weird, old and weird, I thought she was dead twenty years ago and weird.
And I've noticed they don't score any more roles looking weird, than they would have if they'd just aged naturally and played mothers and grandmothers to the important characters the men in the movies are playing.
Someone should tip them off to the fact that it's not because they're getting older that there aren't any roles for them in Hollywood, it's because girlfriends and wives in the movies are all supposed to be young and pretty and secondary to whatever important roles the men in the movies are playing.
It's a fact. A Hollywood fact. Women are always supporting characters in the movies unless they're playing a blond or a prostitute or an unwed mother.
Boys, Boys, Boys
I'd listen to your arguments about hate speech (pro and con the right to spew forth) except - I'm a woman, so I JUST CAN'T GET IT UP ANYMORE!
Geddit? Well? Do ya? Hunh?
Look, as long as your Gawddamned Eeeeevil Patriarchal Religions (and that's all of 'em, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu) three of which I know fully well to be Misogynistic in practice as well as theory (Muslim, Christian, Jewish) are protected from hate speech and women aren't - fuck you and your twisted inside out and upside down logic - whether you are pro or con hate speech rights.
And here's a hint: Nobody who is sane is either.
The absolute fact is that no one is more discriminated against in this world than a woman. And pretty much all of that discrimination is a result of Religion - a direct line extends from the word of your imaginary Deity to discrimination against women purely for being women.
That's a fact, Jack. A fact women experience every day in one way or another no matter where she lives on this crazy fucked up planet thanks to men and their stupid obstinate dogged faith in any bullshit institution that counsels keeping women away from exercising any real power - which they absolutely do in one way or another.
Change? Not in this lifetime.
Now, this discrimination against women might have a point if God/Allah/Buddha/Krishna was real. But HE ain't real. HE is an invention to keep power in the hands of men. And yet, Religions all, still, hold sway - all the while pretending Feminism is radical. It really is a kind of insanity, and yet it persists - legally. There is absolutely no logical reason for Religion to have any power whatsoever in 2008 and yet it does. Meanwhile, Religion is responsible for pretty much all that is wrong in the world, including pretty much all hate speech against women - not to mention actual physical crimes against women and the men who take up women's rights issues - and yet it, Religion, is protected under our laws against hate speech and women aren't.
You have no leg to stand on here with me, boys. Not a one. I don't care which side of the fence you're arguing on - you don't know what the hell you're talking about. You have absolutely no idea of the discrimination women live with day in and day out BECAUSE OF RELIGION and you never will because you're men.
What do White Supremacist leaders and Church leaders and Legislative leaders and Media leaders and Corporate leaders all have in common?
That's right. They're all men. And their religious beliefs, no matter how hateful towards women they are - and they are - have protection under our hate speech laws and women do not.
So there. Now just shut the fuck up because you're all full of shit - absolutely stinking mounds of God fearing shit - and I'm sick to death of you and your misogynistic evil Religions that all actively and without conscience discriminate against women and actively and without conscience seek to deny us the human rights we would have under NO GOD'S LAW.
February 18, 2008
Overheard On The Street
Two teenaged girls talking about a commercial for "Pretty Woman", the movie (which I have never seen):
"That's disgusting. Who would want to go out with a guy who wants to pay for you?"
I'm not sure, but it sounded like they were more disgusted with him than with her and found the very idea of such a movie theme offputting, so I'm putting it in the "Yesssss!" column.
Dammit! I'm A Feminist, Not A Computophile!
I am/was up for 4, count 'em, 4, Feminist Awards over at CreativeRevolution and I've got a badge to prove it except I don't know how to download it.
Now, most women I know who blog, also know how to set up blogs and download images and upscan original art and all that fancy stuff related to modern blogging - but I have a website manager who designed my site and I don't know the first thing about anything related to computers except wordprocessing.
So, the problem is, do I learn how to do all the fancy stuff, thus rendering him somewhat superfluous AND using up writing time for which I'm already not paid, to do yet more blog-related work? OR do I let him continue managing my site, gratis, even though he sincerely believes that the reason I can't do it is because I'm a woman and he's a male chauvinist pig?
Le sigh. It'd be a bit hypocritical for me to learn how to do the fancy stuff, too, I think, because, while learning how to type has earned me all my money to date, it has also destroyed all my professional self-worth and is the reason why I seek validation through blogging - a non-paying pursuit with absolutely no employment future.
None of which advances the cause of Feminism, I don't think. Or does it? I dunno, I'm not a very good judge of what advances causes anymore. I have the leisure time to do the blogging, I guess, and it's the blogging that gives me a voice I wouldn't otherwise have by disseminating my views to others.
But money makes the world go 'round, too, doesn't it.
Unless, maybe that's what the mainstream media is so frightened of when it comes to blogging, that money has no real influence on opinion in the blogosphere, that with money taken out of the equation, people will write what they actually believe.
Fortunately, my webmaster doesn't read my entries. He just likes dicking around with the website.
Settling Afghanistan
Whoa. Dog fighting, eh? That sure got everybody's attention. But I like how one Amir Mohammed, who has been a regular at the dog fights in Afghanistan for some 30 years, said, "It is our culture. Fridays are holidays. There are no parks, no picnics. We want to have a good time."
Sure, sure. And we want you to have a good time, too, Amir Mohammed. Just... at dog SHOWS, not dog FIGHTS. See, while we understand it's YOUR culture, it's OUR war and, to be fair to us and frank with you, we're waging it BECAUSE we don't like your culture.
You know, I hate to say it (mostly because it's a movie cliche I doubt you'll recognize, anyway, Amir Mohammed) but I think what we have here is "a failure to communicate".
So, here's my solution.
I think we, Canada, should start up permanent settlements in Afghanistan. Permanent CANADIAN settlements called "CultureVilles" (bilingual, you'll notice, or not) - so that you, AFGHANISTAN, can learn a little more about OUR culture and what WE like, and, more importantly, what we don't like because we consider ourselves to be a much more evolved culture. No offence, eh. But seriously, this really isn't going to work for us - this dog fighting thing. We put people in jail for that kind of day off over here.
Of course, we used to put people in jail for opening their stores on Sundays, too, until we made it pretty much mandatory that they stay open 24/7. Until "Family Day" came along this year and everybody was told to "shut her down" for the day. You get used to it. We sort of have a preoccupation with shopping vs not shopping.
Anyway, my reason for the "CultureVilles" is that we also have a knack for relocating people to areas we think will better meet their needs - and ours. Now, normally the people we relocate are Indian/Inuit people, but I don't think that would work so well in this case on account of they're having trouble finding their footing with regards to our culture, too, so Sooey was thinking maybe a good idea would be to relocate some of the really big time supporters of the War on Terror to your neck of the woods. You know, to teach you a thing or two about how we like to do things so there aren't any more surprises like... dog fights every Friday.
That's really gotta go if we're going to feel like we're getting anywhere with this Afghanistan mission, Amir Mohammed. Really. We have people here who would go to war against you just for that, nevermind the rest of your culture. NDPers, even (although not me - I'm down with dog fighting, myself - yup - down with dog fighting and up with peace).
So yeah. We've got a bunch of Conservative types who could probably make the transition to permanent settlements in Afghanistan without too much trouble. And I think, Amir Mohammed, you'd find a fair degree in common with them politically, too - especially with regards to women's rights, although not so much with animals unless, maybe, you set the dogs free after the fights and hunted them down for sport. That might be a good compromise.
In any case, I think it would be good to nip these more glaring cultural differences in the bud and have a group of Canadians living and working on permanent settlements in your country until everybody has a better understanding of why we're bothering with this war.
Because I really think somebody forgot to fill you in, Amir Mohammed. This isn't about you and what you want. This is about us and what we want for you.
February 17, 2008
Deity Wars In A Real World
By November 2008 it will be seven years since 9/11. I wonder if the election of a new President will cause Gawd to break the spell of seven years bad luck that was placed on the United States of America when the Terrorists flew those planes in the Twin Towers under the orders of his arch rival Allah?
Unless - what if Gawd isn't real and there is no spell? I mean, I've already determined through a couple of scientific experiments (which I'd prefer to keep to myself for fear of having one of those deep fried fatwahs slapped on me) that Allah isn't real. So it's a scientifically (although not necessarily religiously) sound conclusion to reach that Gawd isn't real either and therefore the War on Terror isn't actually a War on Terror but simply a kneejerk response by one group of humans to an attack by another group of humans.
Anyway, I think atheists have to step up to the plate and start preparing politicians for a little harsh reality just in case by heckling more during campaigns, "Gawd isn't real!" And, "There's no such thing as Gawd!" And, "Fucking fucked up fucker, cunt, shit, damn, FUCK, no Gawd now, no Gawd now, no Gawd now!"
Because, you know, I'd be all over supporting a War on Terror if it was all about ridding the whirld of psychotic religious nuts who believe in Gawd so much that they're willing to blow themselves up for it? him? her? (heheh - as if) - and take a bunch of other people with them who just want to go about their day on Earth ignoring other people's delusions.
It's just that this War on Terror doesn't seem to be focussed on doing that. If anything, it seems to be accomplishing the exact opposite. Which makes me wonder if we're killing all the wrong people because we still, deep down, believe in Allah - in addition to Gawd, I mean - and this really is a fight to the death of a Deity.
I dunno. Should I make my scientific experiments public? I do have conclusive proof that Allah is just a figment of the Islamic imagination. Albeit, conclusive SCIENTIFIC proof, not RELIGIOUS proof.
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe. I mean, deceive.
February 16, 2008
The National Post and Me
How come it has money for Kate McMillan and Kathy Shaidle, but I got let go as a freelancer because there supposedly wasn't enough money in the budget for little ol' stay-at-home Mom me? Eh? Well? How come?
Anyway, seeing as I'm up for some 4, count 'em, 4 blogging awards at: SoYouThinkYou'reAFeminist,Eh? I thought I'd better make fun of somebody who's not up for 4, count 'em, 4 blogging awards but who is having WAY more success with the paying MSM than anyone who is up for 4, count 'em 4, blogging awards.
Gawd. That vast "Definitely Not Feminist" conspiracy, eh? It's gets me, right in the cheque book. Well, until I'm hired as a full-time columnist, let the boycott continue, I say.
Anyway, here's Kate McMillan's column, for which she is a hero among all the non-Feminists out there in Rightwing blogger whirld as well as in the MSM via the National Post.
If I sound bitter, Dear Reader, it's because I am. But all in good fun.
Now, I have taken what I say are the key points in Ms. McMillan's column and elaborated on them to save you the bother of reading it, Dear Reader. It's basically Kate McMillan whining about how other Canadians are too whiny these days (a view I TOTALLY agree with, by the way - especially when it comes to those Men's Rights groups - shut the fuck up and get shovelling, asshat!) to get brain damage or lung cancer or die of starvation:
WhatAboutTheRetards?ShouldTheyWear2Helmets?
Okay, here's Kate on people dying nobly of diptheria (unlike today, I guess when people have to lobby for the right to "die with dignity" - a cult which scares me a bit, the "right to die with dignitiers", because I'm hoping to really dodge and weave when the crabby hand of death tries to strike me dead):
The account makes no mention of grief counsellors.
Maybe they were the first to die of diptheria, Kate. Didja ever think of that? Eh? Well? Didja? Hunh? Gawd works in mysterious ways, you know. Sometimes, really fucked up mysterious ways, too. Really twisted and evil and, well, funny, I guess, if it's not you getting worked on, ways.
When the sea of societal ills is so shallow that "phone calls I don't like" is scraped from the bottom and added to the legislative agenda, when the public tolerance for disagreeable things has dropped so low that "I have to hold my breath" is a complaint worthy of the commiseration of 100,000 radio listeners, we have a problem.
Yeah, well I hear ya there, Kate. Hello? Radio losers? Ever hear of the Internet? It's a whole cyber whirld invented by Al Gore that's sitting there waiting all day 24/7 just for you. You can complain about ANYTHING, ANYTIME on the Internet. But you know what would be funny? If smoking was allowed ONLY in the House of Commons. And hospitals. That'd learn people to run for political office or get sick. And since I have no plans to do either, SKRU U GYZ!!! (Buttons for sale when I start my CafePress site, everybody.)
This is why I have come to believe that what Canadians need most at this moment in our history is a good famine.
Er, okay. You lost me there a bit. Climate Change? That might do it. If it's real, I mean, and not just a giant hoax perpetrated by the melting Arctic ice. Otherwise, I dunno - the government could stop subsidizing farmers and the banks could call in all their loans, I guess. Food could be priced according to what it actually costs to produce. We could stop importing food grown and picked overseas by slave labour. Gee, okay. There are lots of ways we could induce a famine, Kate - even without climate change. Right on. Okay.
A half million 20-somethings would emerge from their parents' basements, if only to search for food.
Ah, I see where you are going with the whole famine thing now. Nope. They'd just head on over to Gramma's house where she's got a full-sized freezer still stocked with meat from 1970. It's a fact, Kate. A Canadian fact. It would take years for the effects of a famine to be felt in Canada - thanks to all those crazy old ladies who lived throught the Great Depression so that they could burden the rest of us with their baby boomer offspring and ridiculous hoarding habits.
Heheh - crazy ol cunts. Ya gotta love 'em, though. To get those random cheques for $1,000, I mean. "Ya, ma. It's called inflation. Remember? You're the one who voted for Trudeau. Not me. And baby needs new shoes."
February 15, 2008
Gay Icons - A Continuing Theme
Here's gay icon George Washington crossing the Delaware:
Clearly what's missing is a big old woody down his pants and for the life of me, I can't understand why this hasn't been corrected by at least one sophmoric doodler.
What is wrong with the youth of today?
Bush Veto
So, President Bush is planning on using his veto power to allow for torture to be officially sanctioned by the United States of America.
I dunno, but I'd say the administration down south has done quite a good job of dehumanizing people, wouldn't you? What's left, I wonder?
When I was a kid, torture was the big bad, the kind of thing only a psychopath would do. It was unforgiveable.
Vlad
You know, to witness via the media Vladimir Putin flexing his muscles, literally, threatening Kosovo et al with a nuclear strike, and just generally acting like a madman and former KGB thug turned semi-dictator-for-life, you really have to figure he's in the employ of the Republican Party of the United States of America.
I mean, c'mon. He is clearly campaigning for John McCain - from the vantage point of grey bleak hopelessly oppressed alcoholic Russia where the lifespan for journalists is measured in dog years so it won't look like they're all being shot and killed in the prime of their lives. He's saying, in a roundabout way, "You weak pathetic American scum had better elect John McCain as President because you're going to need him on account of I am quite insane. Quite. Insane."
Let's just hope Americans don't do that thing they always do and panic and elect the crazy corrupt lying bastard candidate, in this case because they think they need an equally insane President to handle Vladimir Putin - with a kind of like meet like strategy.
Because my guess is that Vladimir Putin is probably really really unbelievably super duper racist and Barrack Obama would scare the shit out of him way more'n John McCain ever could, anyway. John McCain would be more likely to invite him to his ranch or somesuch for an endangered species barbeque. Or perhaps just a night of staring, hands held over candle flames, the intoxicating smell of burning flesh filling their nostrils, until finally they collapse in each other's arms and make passionate love to their candlelit shadows.
Although, we already know how really really unbelievably super duper sexist he is, so maybe Hillary Clinton would scare him even more. I mean, imagine. A woman President?! And a feminist?!
Omigawd. That might actually shut him up once and for all.
Hey Toronto!
Shovel snow much?
But if you're going to blame somebody for the weather, blame the 905ers. Remember how they elected Mike Harris and for cheap larf porpoises (I assume - which makes an ass of u and me) he amalgamated Toronto into one big huge megatropolis and sold off lots of taxpayer-owned services to his buddies - with the fantastic result of higher fees as opposed to lower taxes and fewer government services all 'round for the big huge megatropolis he'd created?
That was funny.
But then, remember how, to really drive home the "we want bad government and we want to pay through the nose for it, too" msssage, the 905ers elected Mel Lastman to be mayor of this big huge megatropolis when even he was saying, "Don't forget - everybody's rich in North York, where I was mayor for life before this gig came along and fell into my lap dancer!"
That was hilarious.
Anyway, I'd say you're just reaping the rewards right about now of your fantastic electoral choices. Here in Ottawa, we have always coped with winter a little better, so having a mayor who is crazier'n a bag of hammers AND up on charges for rigging the election he won because people really are THAT stupid, hasn't really affected us too much. Which is a shame in a way because, how will Ottawans learn the lesson Torontonians have learned that guys who run for political office because they want to run government like a business, are the same guys who think government is their personal trough to gorge on while the gorging is good until they waddle on over to the corporate boards where they laze out their daze like so many Jabba the Huts?
You have learned your lesson - riiiiiight Torontonians? I know, I know - David Miller is Mayor and he's an NDPer or somesuch, but look, he can only work with what was left behind and, well, once Mike Harris and Mel Lastman were done lootin' the Treasury and buying new galpals and inheriting old kids, there just wasn't a lot left for the next guy to offer the citizens of Toronto.
Here's a good rule of thumb (which was once an actual rule on the books meaning, "Do not beat your wife with a stick thicker'n your thumb"):
Don't let it become a vicious cycle. Do yourselves a favour and never elect Conservatives to Government in the first place. And only elect Liberals to Government if it is necessary to prevent Conservatives from being elected to Government. Which it often is on account of Canadians are a selfish stupid lot as most of them are baby boomers and want money for nothin' and their chicks for free, but, because they aren't rock stars, have to settle for politicians who promise them the equivalent in lower taxes and better government.
Gawd. That damned new math. Oh - but too bad the army's in Afghanistan, eh? 'Cause I bet those "Support the Troops" decals look pretty ironic on all the city vehicles stuck in snowbound traffic right about now.
February 14, 2008
VD 2008
3 Questions:
In Saudi Arabia a woman is facing the death penalty because she's a witch, says her accuser, an impotent man.
Q: When is Laura Bush going to make a goodwill trip there to tell Saudia Arabian doctors about Viagra?
OJ Simpson's girlfriend is in hospital with a head injury suffered during a fall which reportedly had nothing to do with her being OJ Simpson's girlfriend.
Q: How is it that OJ Simpson has a girlfriend?
Roger Clemens, a baseball player, is appearing before a Washington Congressional Hearing accused of having taken steroids.
Q: Why hasn't the Republican Party drafted Roger Clemens as a candidate for the 2008 Presidential campaign?