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February 21, 2010

Melissa Hollingsworth

Gosh, I don't know who she is or what her sport was but she's lucky she's not Japanese or I guess instead of holding a press conference to apologize to her devastated country for not winning a gold medal she'd be holding a press conference to commit hari kari behind the fence housing the olympic cauldron. Although, I imagine a lot of tourists would go home with the most exciting pictures ever of an olympic cauldron. That's gotta count for something.

VANUCK

I'm having a real problem rooting for Canada these olympics. It's like rooting for America-Lite. Not that I don't think we should be going for gold. Afterall, the olympics are all about winning. And real estate. But going for gold seems to mean something other than actually WINNING gold to Canadian athletes. It's like we're being really loud and "yay us" about being really loud and "yay us".

Also, and this is petty I admit, but the New Conservative Government of Canada has made the Vancouver Olympics its brand to such a degree that... yeah - here's hoping Team Canada doesn't win a hockey medal.

I'm sick of hockey being our thing, anyway. Curling should be our thing. Ice, rocks... brooms. All supplies any enterprising young Canadian with a couple of equally bored friends can find in and around the nearest curling arena. And you'll notice curlers don't need any special padding - or helmets, even. Just one good eye, a steady hand, and either the ability to shout "SWEEP!" at your teammates over and over and over as if they would otherwise just stand and stare at the rock as it slowly stops rolling or the ability not to broomwhack a teammate shouting "SWEEP!" at you over and over and over as if you would otherwise just stand and stare at the rock as it slowly stops rolling.

And not to ruin what seems to be the most crucial element of curling or anything, but, have there been any INDEPENDENT studies to prove that sweeping in front of the rock actually has an effect on when and where the rock stops rolling?

Tit for Tat

Aw hell, I can blog and not write a book. What was I thinking?!

In fact, as soon as I learn how to upload photos and cartoons, I'm going to start another blog in addition to this one! I know, "What is this, Sooey? Double the daily Christmas?" Well, depending on your view of Christmas - yes and yes.

Anyway, I had a bit of self-absorption burnout that I'm nicely over now so you can look forward to double the same old same old but with double the dedication.

And I really have to thank Sarah Palin for bringing me back this time because I've been reading so much whiny crap by Conservatives, who themselves can't decide whether to embrace her or toss her overboard, about how Liberals are a bunch of hoity toity elitists for not respecting (as in voting for) BabyGramama Sarah Palin (even though, quite clearly, many Republicans didn't vote for her, either) that I have to ask: How many Conservatives would respect (as in vote for) a Democrat hillbilly mayor from Bumfuck USA who said something like: "I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out." You know, esssentially refer to a department that does not exist, but might if EllyMae Palin became President, as something she would use to circumvent the law as opposed to uphold it.

Which is not to say that I don't admire Sarah Palin's stamina in keeping on keeping on pushing those buttons that make so many of us see red.

Alert, that is.

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